Today

Yesterday is History
Tomorrow a Mystery
Today is a Gift that's why they call it the Present.

How many of us live our lives in the present?  Do you worry about the future? Do you regret your past?

When your child under goes a heart transplant you are almost forced to live day by day, for your own sanity maybe. For the first year after Eloise's transplant I almost punished myself, re running the events in my head. Trying to see if I could of prevented her becoming unwell, what did I miss ? Should I have got her to hospital sooner. It was like a waking torture and got me nowhere. It had to stop.
Then the future, the future that quite possible could be a life without my daughter in it. Hideous thought, painful, no parent wants to outlive their child, to bury them . The statistics that you are told pre- transplant, the survival odds , stay with you, they haunted me for many years. When Eloise was transplanted in 2002 we were told 5-10 years of survival post transplant. I soon calculated this would mean her dying at Primary School. Why then did I have to send her ? Why did I have to share those precious 5 years of her life with others who could not love her so much as me ? The answer lies in the words "normal life" I owed it to my daughter to give her the same start in life as big sister Leah. So I tried then not to look too far into the future let it stay a little unfocused , who knows where life will take them anyway ?
      So here we are 11 years down the transplant line trying to make each precious day a good one, make memories and have fun. Not always easy, especially the last 6 months as Eloise has had 2 rejection blips and continues to have very unstable Tacro levels and a high heart rate. We've never had so many hospital appointments, so much disruption in our lives. Yes I am anxious , who wouldn't be? Who doesn't fear the unknown ? I like, no I love a plan and I need just that for Eloise, so in under 2 weeks she's off to Gosh for a coronary angiogram and other tests. Then we will know what we are facing.