Lost

As you all know I had a huge Miranda moment this week and had allegedly lost my bag containing amongst other things a much loved dress and ultimately a very precious Pandora bracelet. Even before I remembered my bracelet was in my washbag I was fairly upset, I absolutely hate losing things or my belongings being broken, I feel so unsettled until they've been fixed or replaced. Then I had that sick to the pit of your stomach feeling when I realised my bracelet was lost. Every charm either bought for me to represent a person or an event in my life or carefully selected by myself for a reason. After the initial shock and upset the more practical side of myself kicked in these were things I could buy identically again or at least something similar again. But actually I didn't want to, it wouldn't be the same rushing out spending £500 on a bracelet the charms wouldn't be the same ones, they wouldn't have been given with love like the originals. I made a plan I would possibly buy new charms to represent those important things in my life, my family, Eloise's heart transplant and her donor angel. I felt settled with that decision.

Then I got to the "no one died " stage we had a good weekend, everyone's happy and well. I've been through much worse in life, Eloise was "broken" on more than one occasion , quite a bit broken for a year. I remember easily how unsettled I felt, that gnawing feeling in my stomach, the feeling of dread and impending doom, it was horrific. I don't want to go there again but I guess every cardiology appointment makes these feelings resurface. If anything it makes you appreciate the good times, we had a great family weekend, lots of memories made. What is more important than that ? Not a band of silver beads for sure. Now if I lost my camera..........I'm a camera addict, I can't bear not having my camera with me, I like to have the option to capture every moment. I guess the pictures I take just reinforce the memories we make, capturing a little bit of a special day or moment. 

                                    

                           

 We had such a great weekend, for some I think it was odd that S, Warren and I spent time together with the children. I think it went really well, I know Warren feels that way I hope S did too. The two men had a few beers together in the bar, we seem to have a souvenir Stella Glass in the house !  We all  enjoyed the museum ( I lie Henry wanted to leave after an hour and Millie had a slapped arse face ) very much and it was great to be amongst our friends at the Gosh Transplant Party. Eloise was very happy as were Millie ( inbetween diva strops) and Henry ( no red rages ) Thank goodness for level headed Eloise ! 

             

                        

                     

       So the best things in life aren't things they're people and people can't be replaced.......except Ex husbands ! I'm lucky I have all those who are precious to me in my life, we came close to losing Eloise but she's here living life to the full. I cannot imagine life without her or her siblings, it would be too painful, a missing piece of my family jigsaw. While I cannot predict the future, that's probably for the best. I can say we'll enjoy every precious moment as we got close enough to losing Eloise to realise the fragility of life and that the only certainty in life is death. I wouldn't want any of you to go through such a loss or near loss but I do want you to appreciate every day as a gift. Sadly in the World we've been thrown into there are no guarantees we've lost friends and friends have lost their precious children. It's just so bloody sad, impossible to understand why, you'd drive yourself mad overthinking all the whys and what ifs . I just wish transplant was the cure and that the new heart lasted for ever, maybe soon because of medical advances it will be the miracle we all dream of, for now I'll dream of Happy Ever After for all four of my darling children, Leah, Eloise, Amelia and Henry, my World , My life xxx