"I'm fine"

                        

"I'm fine" syndrome. We are all equally as guilty of saying "I'm fine" when it's pretty obvious that we aren't . Someone asks us if we are ok we're clearly not but we bottle it and give the stock "I'm fine" answer.  Why do we go to such lengths to hide our feelings ? I guess we retreat into ourselves as we fear opening up will make things worse. I know if I don't hold it together sometimes when asked if I'm ok I'll cry, the flood gates will open and I'll be a blubbering mess. You can also guarantee this will be in public ! A lot of us deny our true feelings from coming to the surface because we are protecting our friends and loved ones from our emotional pain. I know I used to shut down a lot , isolate myself, go quiet just self preservation mode really. Now I've learnt it's good to share and this blog has given me the security to be open and honest with you. Is it because we don't want to look vulnerable ? Vulnerability isn't weakness.

    Emotional pain really hurts, you can feel worthless or unworthy for feeling it, it makes you feel rejected, not listened too or even invisible. You can feel embarrassed and guilty for feeling such emotion then you often feel weak too. Why do we have this fixation with being strong? Where does it get us ? We build ourselves up to fail. I think we hide our emotional fragility from others because letting them see it exposes us. I think we fear they'll see us as weak and that we will lose their respect. I think we also fear being labelled too sensitive, that if we do express our true feelings others will belittle them and we will feel worse for not coping. Why do we fear showing how we truly feel? Why can't we show a vulnerable side? It's not pathetic to lose control of your emotions yet many of us feel it is. 

      

   

    I think I can say a lot of us put the feelings of others before our own. We protect them from as much as we can. Afraid that if we open up we may hurt them, so we become unwilling to take the chance. I felt like this, until it all got too much I couldn't live up to others expectations of me. I felt like a fraud , I was masked basically. The turning point came 4.5 years ago when Eloise had her reaction episodes, I just couldn't hide anymore . Outwardly I needed to appear strong for her but I needed an outlet for my feelings before they lost control and drowned me. Hence the writing started, this is my safety net. Emotionally I've come a long way, I'm mainly at peace, I'm definitely honest with you all and I'm free.

      

      It's ok to not be ok. We should release our emotional pain. Having feelings isn't abnormal, you aren't useless or foolish. I think we fear the responses of others if we open up, we don't trust them so we think we are safe guarding ourselves by saying nothing. What if we are all sat there saying nothing ? I just think go for it, explain how you are feeling to your loved ones, I think you'll be surprised how many others hide their true selfs too. No one can make you feel worse than you already do suffering in silence. We do need to stop our British "stiff upper lip" mentality. We are a stoical nation, sadly we put a lot on being strong but to me disclosing our vulnerability is a very courageous thing to do.

   If we want others to understand our emotional pain we need to express ourselves verbally. I do understand that not everyone is at the same level of sensitivity so you have to choose who you open up to initially. But I think if people become aware of our true feelings they will learn to adjust their responses . People need to learn empathy and support each other in life not bring someone crashing down. I think once you develop confidence you can find a safe way of expressing your emotional pain. Having feelings is an essential part of who we are, we need to let them out, all our feelings are valid despite how others may respond. Let's face it having sensitivity and feelings is what makes us humans.

                    

So goodbye 2017 you've been good to me and my family but 2018 I'm ready for you and the fresh hope that you bring. I hope 2018 is the turning point for many of you as I know a lot of my friends have had a difficult year. Let's continue to support each other just "Have Courage and be Kind."  Lots of love Bec xxx