5 plus 1

Morning, insomnia time here again . I've not been great since my holiday unsure why really but so hoping it doesn't last 6 months like the last episode I had. Anyway that's irrelevant to this blog post. 

      I've now been dating Warren for a huge five weeks ! Sounds so wrong as it feels like we've known each other for ages, it's been very intense so perhaps we've compressed 5 months into 5 weeks ? 

Things are going really well for us, early days I appreciate that but for now we're both very and I mean very happy. 

        

Surely that's all that's important ?

 All that any of our friends and family want for us ? 

Of course my children remain my number one priority, they always will and Warren accepts that, I'd think little of him if he didn't. They are my flesh and blood. I've thought about their needs in all this and I think they're being met. They all like Warren and they've excepted him and enjoy his company. I understand your concern that if things don't work out for me being with Warren the children lose out too but I've got to try. I can't just sit here and wait for them all to grow up before starting a new relationship. Henry is just five I'd have a long time to wait. Life and potentially love would pass me by  One day they'll all grow up and leave me, that's the way it is, the way it should be. I don't want to be left alone, a sad lonely old woman. I deserve a life too. I'm sorry if you don't feel this way but this is my life and I'm going to live it. I feel I'm old enough to make decisions and live with the consequences. My children are strong and resilient I think you can see how incredible they are. They all survived the breakdown of their parents marriage. 

      

     Might as well enjoy a proud mummy moment while I'm here, my gorgeous Leah achieved 13 GCSE's 3 A* , 5 A , 4 B and 1 C . Such an incredible achievement and I'm so happy for her.

A'Level English Literature, Maths, Media and Photography at 6th Form next.

                     

I guess what makes me cross is the inequalities in a marriage break up. I've been separated for over 3 years, that's long enough to think about dating again, I'm not on the rebound for sure !  S has actually been dating or been with his partner for over 4 years now. No one questions that , no one . Why ? Why can he move on and not me ? Apparently I shouldn't date as I'm still married, am I committing adultery ? I guess so in the eyes of the law. I know I'm a mother of four but S is a father of four too. He can have an adult relationship with no one saying anything. I want that too. God I'm angry really , it's just not fair.

 I'm not sure if S knows about Warren yet. I guess so as he does speak to the children. I hope he's happy for me and doesn't use this against me as we've yet to start divorce proceedings. That's about to change. The time is right to cut each other free. I know I could but we're not going down the adultery route but two years mutual separation. I guess J ( S's one time mistress now partner ) gets away without being cited in the divorce but I don't care. She's welcome to him . 

In two weeks time S will meet Warren I think as my Ex Mother in Law is visiting for the weekend and she's asked to meet Warren ( sorry my love, it's a big ask ) I think she is very happy for me but just needs reassurance that nothing will change for her. Why would it she's the children's biological grandparent. Nothing changes that and I'm not a cruel woman. She's more than welcome to visit us and I'll continue to phone her and text her weekly. 

So whatever opinions you have of me, us. Please don't judge me . I know you worry about me and I know Warren's friends and ultimately his family are worried about him too but we'll be ok. We've both been through similar break ups because of cheating spouses . Whatever the outcome of our relationship we'll both want the same for each other happiness. Right now I couldn't be happier, together Warren and I don't stop laughing and smiling and that's just so right. My family is in a good place right now and that's where I want it to stay. 

Always a family of five but now there's room for a plus one.

      

Actually now lying here crying , hhhhmmmmm . Maybe I am a little scared that this will all be snatched away from me but I guess that shows how important Warren is to me. I'm willing now to give love a chance xxxxx