Keeping it Real

 

I’ve given this quite some thought before putting these words down. So here goes, I’ve found being honest during this pandemic hard at times. I totally appreciate the whole we aren’t in the same boat thing and that it’s not a contest. My life has never had been about that. I’ve been navigating my own boat for decades and weathering my own storms, as for winning , not really but I always take part in life. If I said I was struggling and finding this situation hard I think I’d be well supported but when I say I’m ok and life hasn’t altered too much I feel I should have said nothing. I know a lot is uncertain right now and the country is struggling because of coronavirus but having a good day, week, month, season shouldn’t feel wrong. I think it’s important to give yourself permission to savour those moments of joy, even in the face of a pandemic. In fact, it’s important to enjoy all the little things during times like these. For me it keeps life real, it makes it manageable and varied. We all react to situations differently in normal times so we shouldn’t be surprised that this is still happening during the pandemic. 

               This slower pace of life has made me stop and face Warren’s death and deal with it sooner than perhaps during my extremely busy on purpose period of life. For that I’m grateful. Lockdown gave us the opportunity to be a family of five under the same roof for 6 months, precious time that we wouldn’t have had. Shielding was hard, that’s why we gave up after two months, we couldn’t make it work and I watched my children’s mental well-being start to slide. I couldn’t keep Eloise locked up away from us. So the hardest part of lockdown was Eloise being in the extremely vulnerable category. We’ve spent 18 years treating her normally and the virus meant that had to change and we had to acknowledge her medical conditions head on again. Transplantation and immune suppression became a focus. Once we stopped shielding life shifted a little back to the new normal. Lockdown has made the relationships that I have with my work ladies even stronger, they really are true friends. We have been through so much together this year, so many traumas, upsets and challenges , but the important word I’ve used in this sentence “together” We have also celebrated and continue to make plans. 

  No this year hasn’t been the best but I’ve had worse times.I refuse to write it off , the Summer would have been wished away to reach an Autumn and Winter where let’s face it nothing has changed. We are still in uncertain times living with a virus that’s currently going nowhere. Like most people I like making plans and having things to look forward to and sadly Covid has meant most of those plans have been cancelled or postponed. However I’ve made new simpler plans and managed some spontaneous catch ups with friends, I’ve said yes more to any opportunities that break from the routine of work and home life. Hastily made plans can still work as our trip to London at the weekend showed. 

        By writing this I’m just acknowledging what the last few months have meant to me. I’m optimistic by nature but can be swayed into being a realist and this pandemic is something I have to keep real. People are dying, because of contracting Covid, because they’re not receiving specialist care for other conditions and because of suicide. I’ve seen my own parents age since lockdown and heard stories of the decline in health of many of our elderly and disabled population. 1 in 5 of us will have experienced depression during lockdown , so I totally support the latest ITV campaign Britain Get Talking campaign “No call should go unanswered “  I’m lucky as I’ve found the tools that keep me well mentally and what I’ve learnt has stayed with me during the pandemic. Yesterday we bought the soft toy Grinch and goodness knows how many Christmas decorations we will put up this year. I’ve never had autumn decorations before but anything that makes you smile is worth investing in.  I know that for many a healing hug would help enormously right now and sadly that’s something I cannot give you. However know my arms are wrapped around you and I’m holding your hand, while I’m strong let me look after you and together we will get through this. Just continue to be you, continue to say how you feel without judgement, keep talking , keep going and always be kind.