Divorced - Celebrate Life

Divorced - celebrate life ❤️

            

      

It's taken me a while to decide to share the news that after five years of separation I'm finally divorced. You see I don't want you congratulating me for the wrong thing. I don't need congratulating for having a failed marriage that had to be terminated by a court judge. That really isn't the right cause for celebration in my eyes. When I married it was for life and sadly things didn't turn out that way. So please don't congratulate me for that reason. Also I'm only divorced from one person, someone who no longer loved me. 

    Celebrate instead the new beginning that my children and I are living right now. We have made ourselves a good life. Our home is a calm and happy place, well until certain combinations of children fight over control of the tv remote. We aren't the Walton's so don't think it's all sugary sweet ! We are a tight little unit and I like that. When there is only you to do everything for your family you just don't mind. When there are two parents and one isn't doing their share it causes resentment. I don't have that anymore and I feel lighter for it. I'm so proud of them and everything they have achieved so far and I'm excited for their futures as I see nothing holding them back. I like the way they are developing , they are all individuals capable of great things if I nurture them properly. My four children came out of the broken marriage so please celebrate their lives with me and how blessed I am to have four beautiful, amazing children. 

                                            

  Celebrate the woman I have become, she was probably always there but kept quiet, now she makes herself heard even if sometimes she still whispers. I am no longer mute. So please celebrate the fact I'm evolving all the time and I like what I see. I feel like "me" again, does that make sense ? I feel stronger, both physically because of going to the gym, exercising has been very positive, I can see my shape changing and I know I'm making myself healthier. Mentally I'm in good shape too, thank you blog, thank you those who listen to me, thank you to those who read and comment on my therapy blog posts ! My confidence has grown , so I feel differently about myself and I feel I make better choices in life. I'm no longer invisible, even today walking home from the gym, I smiled and greeted a few people and they all saw me and smiled back and that feels good. Celebrate the changes in my wardrobe ! I know totally shallow but it felt so good to start dressing up every Friday, to put on a frock instead of jeans whatever the weather ,season or occasion. Frock Friday changed me and I'm barely out of a dress now, I'm wearing a skirt today though. It's been good to take pride in my appearance again, I am a little lipstick obsessed though, but it dresses the smile ! So celebrate me "growing up" taking on the home on my own.  Yes I know I'm still not a fully paid up adult and I still freak out at bills ,DIY disasters and things going wrong in my home but Google and YouTube are quite helpful. 

                                        

    

  So can you understand why the end of my marriage and my divorce isn't the thing to celebrate ? Celebrate my new beginning please, that would make me happy. So thank you to those who have been by my side for the past five years, I'm incredibly grateful to you all. Thank you to those who have walked into my life since and the biggest thank you to those who buggered off as you truly weren't the right people to be in my life. 

So let's all drink to New Beginnings and celebrate life  🍹🍸🍹

                                      

When 6 became 5 , three years on.

27th April 2011, a day that started out in an ordinary way, the three girls in school and Henry in nursery. S had a day off and I was off anyway, we were having a new kitchen put in and it was near completion. Leah arrived home from school so S and I set out to collect the others at 5pm , deciding He would collect the girls from after school club and I would get Henry from nursery. As we had no useable oven we discussed having pizza delivered for dinner.

                          

        I arrived home first and sat myself down at the computer, I decided to look at my emails as I was sure we had a voucher for money off Dominos. That search changed our lives, unknown to me S's email account was logged in and opened on a email from his best friend J ( a woman ) Her email was all about the wonderful time they would have in Barcelona ( Grand Prix S always went with work collegues) in a weeks time, I'll leave to your imagination what the email contained it was pretty x-rated. I had that imminent sick , cold dread feeling coursing through my body. I was in shock, never saw this coming. Leah was standing over my shoulder just 13 years old and her World was shattered, she cried and cried while I sat there frozen.

        I was still sat there when S returned , no hysterics, no shouting, not really talking. I just said " I guess I wasn't meant to read this "  His answer " No "

       Very little was said it was awkward I had to stay strong, we still had kitchen fitters in the house, my younger children were oblivious to what was unfolding. It was hours later before we talked. The affair had been ongoing for 9 months , well who knows the truth as I wasn't worthy of the truth from S was I ? I felt betrayed J was best woman at our Wedding, Leah's godmother, she knew what we'd been through as a family and that hurt the most. That another woman could do this to me. I wish they'd been upfront , that he'd just left me for her, hate being lied to, hate the fact he had a double life, hate that I was used. I think he had no intention of going, why spend thousands on a new kitchen, planing a family holiday, trips away etc if you were walking away from a marriage. You would save your money for your new life.

       

      Still now I don't know anymore, the whys , what ifs , the reasons. I can live with that. I guess like many couples we'd drifted apart, my time swallowed up by four children, running a home and working while he was away all week. Our time as a couple was very limited , perhaps that was no longer enough for him. Perhaps we should have talked. I guess I didn't really need him and she did. I'm not sure how green he's found the grass on the other side he just says it's not greener just different ! Astro turf ? I know my life is more relaxed, we enjoy our weekends rather than tip toeing around S and his moods.

        Fast forward three years, we're still here, I'm enjoying what we have, we are extremely fortunate to have a good life. S and I still don't talk very much, nothing in depth anyway, we're still no further on with finalising the end of our marriage, still just separated. That doesn't mean we'll ever get back together, I often get asked that, it's not an option. Where are you without trust ? He visits Bristol every other weekend usually just the Saturday night. He's a better dad to the children and he's a nicer man to have around. I guess another factor in the breakdown of our marriage was his high powered stressful job. He came home knackered, bad tempered, he sat around drinking in excess, shouting his orders, only doing what he wanted. A selfish man. This is no longer a possibility, my home, my rules and as he drives to a hotel room to sleep no chance to drink. I guess he's a victim of his affair too, he's no longer with his children, he's given up the home he worked hard to pay for in full to me and the children. He still lives in a suitcase, travelling miles and miles every week. His home is three hours from here. It cannot be an easy life and I'm surprised he still visits but I'm glad he does for the sake of the younger two children. Leah doesn't spend much time with him, she's older has her own things to do and I guess that's the same now with Eloise.

     As I was used to being on my own with the children all week anyway very little changed in our daily lives. I've always been like a single parent but with financial backing that's not changed. I've always brought up the children, attended their school performances, parents evenings, taken them to hospital appointments , dental appointments etc. I've always run the home as well, so while the affair was a shock and S moved out things remained fairly unchanged. I have to be honest I was worried about losing our home and having to leave Bristol as I couldn't afford to live in the area we do and I think rather than change area we'd have relocated instead. I'm happy the children did not have to be uprooted that they stayed at their schools and within the safety of their friendship groups. They needed those friends. Also I'd hate to gave left the security of being near Bristol Children's hospital on multiple levels .

    So this is where we are .......

Leah 

                                   

Leah's now 16, she's bright, feisty, funny, clever an all round nice kid. She's doing her GCSE's and 2 Btecs this Summer. She's a keen photographer, self taught musician and one of those kids that can do well at almost anything she sets her mind at. Yep I'm proud, I brought her up ! 

Eloise

                                      

Eloise is my hero, just one amazing child, she goes through life smiling whatever is thrown her way. She's quirky , a one off I like that, wicked sense of humour and a blossoming actress ! She's achieving so much at school, above her year 9 targets in a few subjects ( she's in year 8 ) Not bad considering the traumas she's been through, prematurity brain flares, couple of cardiac arrests , bypass.....

Millie ( Amelia) 

                                  

Millie my little Diva ! She's a performer all right , loves, singng, dancing and acting. Wicked laugh, great company when she's not having a tantrum ! Loves fashion and shopping, a girly girl. She's off to Secondary School in September and I hope she too will thrive like Eloise. She doesn't always find school easy but she tries hard and brought home a certificate yesterday for Maths as she's made a lot of improvement .

Henry

                                      

Henry, now where would we be without this blaze of fun in our lives ? He's a character, quite a comedian, I love his take on life. He's as bright as a button , loves school and is soaking up facts like a sponge. Parenting him isn't easy, I'm so used to the girls, but we're on a learning curve together and that's ok, it's fun .

 

Me I guess you already know, I just have it all a good balanced life. As long as my babies are happy and well, life's wonderful. If they aren't I struggle.......