Me in my Laura Ashley Wedding frock, with massive real floral headress all the rage in the 90's !
Fast forward 14 years, four children and all the trauma with nearly losing Eloise and her having a heart transplant. We nearly reached on 15th Wedding Anniversary......but as you know from a previous blog entry we didn't quite get there ! S decided the best woman for him was J the Best Woman at our Wedding , his childhood friend who also became Leah's godmother.
So here I am today on what would have been my 18th Wedding Anniversary, perhaps it still is I'm not divorced yet . I'm in a good place.....well a Premier Inn in Newcastle with my lovely friend Katie. Life's treating me very well, I'm very happy and content with my lot.
My marriage gave me four beautiful children , Leah, Eloise, Amelia and Henry, a wonderful house that's become a home we all love being in. My marriage brought me to Bristol as it's where we decided to settle down after living in London for a few years, I love Bristol so much. My marriage has brought me financial stability and a good quality of life, the children and I want for nothing.
The end of my marriage has given me strength and determination , I've seen what I can achieve, I'm no longer living in the shadows. I am embracing all I have and using my experiences to help others to see the end of a marriage can be positive and it doesn't mean the end of Family. I truly feel alive and happy, I can do whatever I want I don't need anyone's permission. I feel confident again, I'm enjoying getting dressed up, Frock Fridays and nights out. I feel like me again. I've got energy, I was just stuck in a tired rut before, busy all week then too tired and unmotivated when S came home at the weekends as he never wanted to go out. I've still got my loyal friends who have been through everything with me but I've added a lovely new set as well. I love my new friends, we have a lot of fun together, always laughing. Live, laugh, love, I do all three.
So how can I have regrets, I don't hate S not so keen on J to be honest . I just wish they'd been honest from the start. The affair part hurts not the fact they are together still now, both very welcome to each other. I hope it's all they thought it would be and worth everything S has given up. I haven't lost anything as S obviously no longer loved me and I wouldn't have fought for him to stay . I guess that goes a little way towards saying I knew I could live without him, therefore my love for him had faded too.
So Happy 18th Wedding Anniversary to me , things didn't go as planned but maybe, just maybe this was the way things were meant to be. I know the last three years have brought changes but positive ones for me and the children. Perhaps by next year I will be divorced but whatever happens I will continue to enjoy the Legacy from my Marriage.
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