5 plus 1

Morning, insomnia time here again . I've not been great since my holiday unsure why really but so hoping it doesn't last 6 months like the last episode I had. Anyway that's irrelevant to this blog post. 

      I've now been dating Warren for a huge five weeks ! Sounds so wrong as it feels like we've known each other for ages, it's been very intense so perhaps we've compressed 5 months into 5 weeks ? 

Things are going really well for us, early days I appreciate that but for now we're both very and I mean very happy. 

        

Surely that's all that's important ?

 All that any of our friends and family want for us ? 

Of course my children remain my number one priority, they always will and Warren accepts that, I'd think little of him if he didn't. They are my flesh and blood. I've thought about their needs in all this and I think they're being met. They all like Warren and they've excepted him and enjoy his company. I understand your concern that if things don't work out for me being with Warren the children lose out too but I've got to try. I can't just sit here and wait for them all to grow up before starting a new relationship. Henry is just five I'd have a long time to wait. Life and potentially love would pass me by  One day they'll all grow up and leave me, that's the way it is, the way it should be. I don't want to be left alone, a sad lonely old woman. I deserve a life too. I'm sorry if you don't feel this way but this is my life and I'm going to live it. I feel I'm old enough to make decisions and live with the consequences. My children are strong and resilient I think you can see how incredible they are. They all survived the breakdown of their parents marriage. 

      

     Might as well enjoy a proud mummy moment while I'm here, my gorgeous Leah achieved 13 GCSE's 3 A* , 5 A , 4 B and 1 C . Such an incredible achievement and I'm so happy for her.

A'Level English Literature, Maths, Media and Photography at 6th Form next.

                     

I guess what makes me cross is the inequalities in a marriage break up. I've been separated for over 3 years, that's long enough to think about dating again, I'm not on the rebound for sure !  S has actually been dating or been with his partner for over 4 years now. No one questions that , no one . Why ? Why can he move on and not me ? Apparently I shouldn't date as I'm still married, am I committing adultery ? I guess so in the eyes of the law. I know I'm a mother of four but S is a father of four too. He can have an adult relationship with no one saying anything. I want that too. God I'm angry really , it's just not fair.

 I'm not sure if S knows about Warren yet. I guess so as he does speak to the children. I hope he's happy for me and doesn't use this against me as we've yet to start divorce proceedings. That's about to change. The time is right to cut each other free. I know I could but we're not going down the adultery route but two years mutual separation. I guess J ( S's one time mistress now partner ) gets away without being cited in the divorce but I don't care. She's welcome to him . 

In two weeks time S will meet Warren I think as my Ex Mother in Law is visiting for the weekend and she's asked to meet Warren ( sorry my love, it's a big ask ) I think she is very happy for me but just needs reassurance that nothing will change for her. Why would it she's the children's biological grandparent. Nothing changes that and I'm not a cruel woman. She's more than welcome to visit us and I'll continue to phone her and text her weekly. 

So whatever opinions you have of me, us. Please don't judge me . I know you worry about me and I know Warren's friends and ultimately his family are worried about him too but we'll be ok. We've both been through similar break ups because of cheating spouses . Whatever the outcome of our relationship we'll both want the same for each other happiness. Right now I couldn't be happier, together Warren and I don't stop laughing and smiling and that's just so right. My family is in a good place right now and that's where I want it to stay. 

Always a family of five but now there's room for a plus one.

      

Actually now lying here crying , hhhhmmmmm . Maybe I am a little scared that this will all be snatched away from me but I guess that shows how important Warren is to me. I'm willing now to give love a chance xxxxx

Wants and Needs Revisited

So here we are just three months later from my Blog Post on Wants and Needs and things have changed here. 

     My needs are still fundamentally the same that's not changed. I have all in need in life and I'm satisfied. I appreciate all I have and hold. 4 beautiful children, my home, my wonderful friends, family , great work collegues and ultimately Eloise's continued good health after a difficult year.

          What's changed then ? I want or at least at this point think I want a man back in my life. Things are different at this stage in my life when dating. What you look for isn't the same, on many levels I guess. You've life and dating experience , you have history, you have baggage, you have dependants . I think really it's harder than first time around. 

    When you are young and it's first time around, there seems to be a plan that a lot of us follow, you meet the man of your dreams, date, fall in love, get engaged, have kids and stick together knowing times will be tough. When you have been there and done it, you want completely different things and quite often, you don't even know what those things are, and it's hard to let someone into your life. For me I don't know what I want but from dating several men long term and having a failed marriage I do know what I don't want. I guess with maturity I'm able to speak out and say to someone that's not for me. 

I have my children and I'm financially independent and I don't need a man to sustain me or my life style. 

     At the end of the day don't we just want the same thing ? Someone who makes us happy, someone who makes us feel special, someone that cares. I know friends can fulfill these needs too but.......

                            

Ok then this is what happened and where I am now. A friend told me about the FB app Tinder, I think it was a Sunday but that's hazy already . Out of curiosity I downloaded it and set up a profile. To explain it in simple terms, it's a dating app. Photos, short bio and you then add age range of partner you are looking for and distance from you. Tinder then provides photos of men in your area. You swipe the picture one way for Yes and another for No. If you and the man both swipe Yes you have a match and can message each other. Anyhow got a fair few matches but on closer inspection things weren't as good as they seemed, too far away, monosyllabic on messaging , or just plain weird.  

      

      From it I was matched with W, we chatted a little and just a day or so I had his mobile and I met him very briefly in Town. From that fleeting visit our texting went a little crazy. Days later it was time for my two weeks in Turkey, in preparation we added each other on FB, downloaded Messenger and exchanged email addresses. Thank goodness for these free methods of communication and the advancements in technology that allowed us to continue chatting. Messages pinged back and forth as we learnt more about each other.

           Last Sunday I arrived home, W and I had our first date arranged for Monday meeting in a local coffee shop. But by 4pm I decided to ask if he wanted to bring it forward. So first date night was Sunday. We went to a Country Pub and luckily discovered we could converse and make each laugh in reality without the use of FB smiley symbols ! It was a success .

        Monday was a 11 hour date ! Really good fun, coffee, walk around the Harbourside, Lunch, two country pubs and back into the City for Dinner. Being together for that length of time seemed natural. Wednesday Evenings date drinks in a local pub and Friday's the Adults Only night at the Zoo. Yesterday was another marathon all day date. We've already got a joint membership to the National Trust, so we went to Tyntesfield and had a wonderful day together. Yesterday was spent shopping and having a nice lunch out. Followed by a DVD evening with my children , who have accepted W into our home. 

   So there we are one week six dates all very lovely, it's still very new and it's quite strange how fast things have happened. It's just 4 weeks since I installed that App. It's now deactivated , there were some strange men on it ! It's fate I guess W had only just installed the App too. So who knows where the future will take me but for now I'm happy and surely that's the important thing ?