Commitment

Commitment - 

       

Yesterday I started to wear a very beautiful ring chosen for me by my boyfriend Warren. It's white gold and diamonds made special as he selected it for me without my knowledge, cunningly taking one of my Pandora rings and getting my ring size from that. 

                     

      

        We're not engaged, it's early days, we have time for that if it's the right path for us as a couple. At the moment we have no engagement leading to marriage plans. No cash either if any of you would like to start a "Go Find Me" page. I can provide the love story and Eloise's story to increase public interest......please note this is my attempt at humour ! 

Why bother with a ring then? For that answer you'll have to ask Warren it was his lovely idea. I didn't need the ring to know how much Warren cares for me, he's always been very open with his feelings where as I'm more of a closed book. I guess by sharing the pictures of us together and the picture of the ring you also know how much he loves me. I struggle more with the showing emotion thing and I don't make so many open declarations but that doesn't mean I don't care.

       

           Between us we have three failed marriages and at the moment two divorces until mine is completed. We have both gone through marriage breakdowns because of adultery. So for us to have trust it's a big, no huge deal, the be all and end all of our relationship. I know we cannot judge a new relationship on past ones but it's hard not to be cautious, to protect yourself you hold back. Yesterday while walking around Bristol we saw three or four Weddings taking place, everyone looked so happy . I hope they have all found their Happliy Ever After.

         We are content with what we have right now. As we have time with just each other as a couple, time with my children being a family , time with our individual friends and hobbies and time alone. A perfect mix that's working well for all of us. So I'm not ready to unbalance all of that . It's hard for a bachelor to fit into the busy, hectic life of a single mother of four but Warren's doing ok. It's not always easy, I'll be honest the kids especially Henry can stress Warren right out. Amazingly he's managed to give up smoking and now vapour as well !  This family conflicts can lead to some tension but I guess that's like any family, blended, step family etc ? We work that though until calm is restored. Warren won't replace the kids dad, he doesn't need to but he can spend quality time with them as well. I think my children and Warren get something out of knowing each other. My children will always come first in my life and Warren after them .I'm entitled to my own happiness as well and I have enough love for them all. 

          If Warren and I stay together it will be a natural progression that he'll move in with us as I have a family home. So therefore we have to get this right for all our sakes. We aren't ready for that. I'm sure though my Ex will be rubbing his hands in glee as if we cohabit it means he can cut back on the maintenance money . So at least one person will be happy for us 😉. 

        

        

   So thank you lovely people for your congratulations it really does mean a lot to both of us and we do appreciate all the support we have. I'm glad you are happy for us, as a sensible friend just posted on my FB "Life's too short to not be happy " 

                   love you all lots. X 

Let's get personal

                         

How true is this quote ? If you aren't part of the transplant world how much time do you spend thinking about organ donation ? Any time at all ? I guess if you're my FB friend you're bombarded with it daily , I make no apologies for that, it's a huge part of my life. 

     In 1989 I signed the organ donor register,  when I started my nurse training, never for one moment thinking I'd be relying on organ donation to keep my own child alive. I signed up because I believed if you can help someone after your death then why not, what's the point in destroying healthy organs that could save someone else's life. 

So fast forward quite a few years and I'm being told my previously well toddler has myocarditis , which led to dilated cardiomyopathy all from a simple childhood illness Hand, Foot and mouth. Her only chance of survival a heart transplant. I needed someone to say yes to organ donation, someone that had the same beliefs as me , that organ donation was the best outcome from the tragic passing of their loved one. We know Eloise got her call. Imagine if that call never came, my daughter would have been one of the three people a day that die waiting on the list, a statistic, a cruel one. This does happen, it's real, just this week a four month old baby lost her fight while waiting on the list for a heart transplant. The call never came it's just so awful. 

 

         What I can't understand though is why when questioned an impressive 96% of the UK public agree with organ donation, that's just amazing right ? 

Well actually no it's not because only 33% of them have bothered to sign the online register. It takes just two minutes a few clicks, just a TV ad break, a game of Candy Crush, a selfie, watching a YouTube video or any of those other things we do daily while wasting time. We must all have two minutes to spare ! Scrolling down Twitter or FaceBook feed how many times have you already done that today ? 

Did it enhance or change you life in any way ? 

Do you feel fulfilled ? 

Imagine becoming someone's Hero , that's what organ donors are.

      So come on guys get off social media and pop over to NHSBT and sign the organ donor register 

https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/register-to-donate/ 

It's easy , I know you're all capable. Do this for all those waiting for life saving and life enhancing transplants. 

    If you need a reason I know plenty of them , all real, all with lives on hold as they wait for their call to come. Do this for Taylor, Eloise's friend he's nearly 16 years old, he used to be sporty , fit and active but now he can't even walk upstairs without being short of breath. That's no life, he desperately needs a second heart transplant , he needs his call. Waiting takes its toll on the whole family, life's not the same when you're in limbo. I'm thinking of my friend Donna, Taylor's mum, my pineapple she's an amazing lady but this is hard for her and there's little I can do to help. But if reading this inspires you to sign up I guess I've achieved something small. For Donna........

                           

So there you go you know how I feel about organ donation, ever so slightly passionate ! It's National Transplant Week coming up guys and this year they've moved it to September to coincide with Eloise's and Taylor's birthdays I guess 😊. Eloise's 15th birthday is on the day it starts the 7th, her 14th extra birthday because of organ donation. You could get yourself a donor card to honour Eloise's and Taylor's birthdays , the only gift needed is a transplant for Taylor so that will be the cake candle blowing wish this year. 

       

The Hooks of Reality

       

 

Here I am on the Morning of our last full day in Turkey although we don't leave our resort until 9pm tomorrow. 

    It's been a relaxing break, I've read 6 books so far and I expect the tally to rise by at least another book. I've enjoyed swimming which is quite necessary here as you need to dip to cool down. We've had some great nights and and enjoyed delicious meals. The company has worked well for us all. I've slept well every night even if I wake early the sleep quality has been good.

       

     Now however I'm restless, awake extra early as my minds gone into overdrive. I'm thinking, working things out, mulling things over. My stomach is churning and unsettled and being an unadventurous eater I cannot blame the food ! 

I'm envisaging the large pile of letters waiting for us, a lot will be junk mail but there will be bills to settle and a letter or two from my solicitor. One a demand for payment for time spent on my case the other a proposal to put to S my Ex regarding our financial settlement. I need that settled so badly but appreciate it has to be done to ensure my children are provided for in the best way possible, the outcome needs to give them the security they deserve. 

      Then I'll need to be super organised as I think S is coming to collect Henry and Millie to take them to his house for a long weekend, I don't think Eloise wants to go. She'll need to rest anyway as we only arrive home at 3am Tuesday and we'll be on the 8.34am train to London on Wednesday. Not the best thought out time for an appointment but it's already delayed because of our holiday plans. So it's nearly GOSH Transplant clinic time , it always fills me with dread. Eloise has had puffy ankles while here only twice and once was post boat trip and the other within the first 48 hours of being here, so I'm hoping that's just heat related as it resolved quickly. She also has a bit of prickly heat but looks a picture of health , her factor 50 suncream has done the trick she's as pale as ever ! She's spent a fair amount inside on her Tablet, watching TV , eating chocolate delivered by Warren and partaking in her favourite pastime sleeping ! I'll be seeing my lovely friend Pineapple at clinic and her son who desperately needs a second transplant, looking forward to seeing how much Tay has grown and giving Pineapple a huge squeeze. That's the good part of clinic catching up with special friends who understand the life you are living. Never totally free from the shackles of transplant but desperate to make sure every day is a happy one. Forever thankful that your child got a transplant in time but forever fearful it won't work forever. Some days it's hard to get that balance as fear freezes you, then I look at Eloise and see a happy face , last night she was whizzy around on a fairground ride, enjoying herself. If others are happy she's happy, she asks for nothing in life more than that. I think she's amazing , her take on life is refreshingly simple if not sometimes of the wall ! 

                                       

      

   So more memories have been made, more photos, must do an album rather than just sticking them on Face Book or leaving them neglected on a memory card. I have albums of pictures until I got a digital camera then they all stopped, I hardly printed any pictures, sad really. I think this will be a good Winter project, downloading , backing up and saving precious memories. 

  So enough whinging, writing it down has helped like it always does. Life's good and we're very lucky to have had a wonderful two week holiday in the Sun and to have spent quality time as a family, when Millie's not on the wifi 😉 Looking forward to more lovey trips away with my gang and more special days at home, oh and a good pot of Earl Grey Tea would be nice ! Might need cake and a Bake Off catch up on Tuesday, that's good for the soul !