Friendships

Friendships - tricky things aren't they ? You think we'd be good at this friendship thing as we get older seeing as we've been making friends from an early age. Maybe it's because our expectations change and how we view our friendships.Major Life changes especially in my experience negative ones can often lead to a shift in friendships well any kind of relationship to be honest. I remember the online "friendship" explosion that happened when I told a large forum of women about my husband's affair , anyway I digress.  I have a small core of people in reality who have been there through the hell, I have more that couldn't take the heat . But their leaving opened up opportunities for new friendships to be made. Through the worst of times you usually realise who is truly there for you. Now as we are lucky to have the Internet and social media you can often seek out a group of people who become friends to you often the best of friends . Some of those because of the geographical distance between you remain cyber friends, others you can meet in reality. These friendships are important , these people are often in a similar situation, they totally get "it" whatever "it" maybe. A unity of experience. 

Friends are a really big part of our lives . Their influence is significant, so it’s a mistake to underestimate their effect on our happiness and self-esteem. I think I used to be more tolerant of people , friends, before Eloise's transplant. I think I was a more caring person, I had that time and the capacity to not drown in everyone else's problems. Afterwards things changed within me, I realised I needed to choose the people I spent time with carefully . I couldn't be destroyed by toxic friendships. I had less of myself to give. It's hard to pull away from friendships but you have to sometimes for self preservation purposes. 

    What makes a friendship toxic ? For me it was when someone exhausted me, drained me leaving me on empty. Sometimes I just dreaded seeing them face to face. Knowing I'd leave the meet up feeling I'd had the happiness sucked out, they made me feel bad for being happy. Often the same person would be quite critical . Also the conversation would have been so miserable and all about them. Some people it seems can't bear to see you happy, they prefer the downs and dramas in your life. Maybe they like soap operas 😉

Sometimes our friends are only semi-toxic or "difficult" I guess most of us are ! If on the whole a friendship is good it should be nurtured and put back on track. Then I try to be understanding and appreciate where my friend is coming from. If you have a good friendship you can tell each other what's bugging you without any major dramas! That usually works !!!! If it doesn't it's just oops another friend bites the dust ! Or a bit of a sulk.......

I like to speak my mind these days, not sure it's because of my age , I'm at the grumpy old woman stage ! So for me straight talking and honesty are the best options. It might not always be the best for those on the receiving end but at the end of the day I'm giving them my opinion. We are all entitled to that as we are also entitled to disagree. I feel no obligation to say what people want to hear, they get to hear my thoughts. I feel if you have come to me and asked for my opinion that's what you deserve, my take on a situation. So your problem, issue looked at through another's eyes. If you don't feel comfortable with that don't put me in that position, that's playing fair. Sorry friends !!!! If I have any left that is.

    Friendships are wonderful things if you nurture them, I'm lucky to have some wonderful friends who accept me for who I am. I'm not sure I could always tolerate me but you do and I appreciate everyone of you. Some of you poor buggers know more than others sorry if you've been chosen ! I'm hoping the chosen few know that I'm there for them 100% and I love them. Just know that I have chosen you because I trust you with my thoughts, fears, past and my dreams for the future. 

The Fragility of Life

Life is fragile appreciate it.

       

I think we are all guilty of taking life for granted until that moment someone or something tries to snatch it from you or your loved one. Think about it we take most things for granted , we have forgotten the true value of life. Without life nothing else is relevant or possible , funny that ! Life is special, a gift to be treasured, shared and enjoyed . A healthy , carefree life is a precious gift indeed.

       We must be thankful everyday , find contentment in all we have and be happy with the people we have in our lives. Life is fragile, one day it's stable but in just a second, minute, hour, day it can flash before your eyes and be destroyed and taken away.  You know I've experienced that and I know many of you reading this will have also. Tragedies can occur any time, fatal accidents, illness, murder, no organ donor.......Then what happened in Paris last night.

                                                                  

                              

        

   All those people were out for the evening, enjoying life, out with friends and family, for a meal, drink, sporting event or concert. They weren't doing anything wrong, just innocent ordinary people. People just like us. Their lives snuffed out or changed in a split second by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This was out of their control, there was no warning. Their lives were taken from them in a brutal way. The ripples of this tragedy are touching us all today. They were real people someone's loved ones. See life is fragile. 

      I'm just as guilty as the next person for not appreciating all I have, God I have a great life, lovely family, beautiful house, friends who love me.....I really shouldn't let a bad day bring me down, obviously discounting Eloise's precarious post transplant health from this ! I'm talking about the small niggles and arguments. We're all lucky and I think if we were all a bit more positive and a hell of a lot kinder to ourselves and others we would benefit. This week we have put together our Christmas gift bags to donate to a homeless project and gathered a few more things for a friend to take to a homeless shelter. That felt good, positive and worthwhile. Doing that made me happy . It was meant to be World Kindness Day yesterday after all. 

What really matters in life ? We preoccupy our day with technology, we fill our day with worries , we get angry about the wrong thing. Life becomes very complicated, maybe over complicated ? We need to make it simple and enjoy it. We should learn tolerance, we're all different and that's ok it would be a boring place otherwise . We shouldn't let others bring us down effecting our mood or mind. Again I'm guilty of that, I over think everything, every conversation, every text, often creating a problem that never existed. Then getting mad at my foolishness ! So make time for those you love and love being with. Let them know you love them, tell them, hug them close. 

    We get engrossed in our own lives, again I feel I'm often complaining, whiny and dissatisfied. Hands up who moans about their jobs, lives, days, their home, their kids or their partner ? If we are honest we all do. We need to stop being so negative, I appreciate life's no Disney Fairytale and I'm no Mother Theresa but I'm sure we could all find something positive in every day ? Try it. 

I don't watch the news normally, bit of an ostrich really. What I don't see can't touch me kind of thing. It's because it only focuses on the bad news, the horrors going on in the World. I guess it has to but every day wonderful things are happening to. The stories that restore your faith in human nature. How many times have you been out with a friend and only talked about your problems ?  Please don't be scared to be happy, I sometimes feel I don't share all my happiness worried it will be snatched away from me or I've interpreted it wrong and I'll look stupid. 

    Maybe we all need to remember You Only Live Once, one chance at getting things right. So let's try to appreciate life and enjoy it gather than letting it trickle through our fingers. Before you know it life has a habit of passing you by. Life should be a collection of experiences , memories shared with the people you love. That's all there is to life really if you strip it right back to basics. We've made life complicated, well those of us who have moved away from being cavemen ! 

    It's sad really that we need reminders of life's fragility, Paris tragedy, Boston, 7/7 , 9/11 to sadly name just a few. We're not invincible though my transplanted friends are superhuman and have more than one life ( that's different !) None of us are here for ever, our time will be up at some point and for many of us we won't know when. So live every day as if it's your last, enjoy it with no regrets.

Although I don't want to I'm trying to make my peace with the thought of death and dying. It's a scary thing death, not my own death but the death of those I love. I have struggled with death before and I know I need to find peace. Death is the only certainty in life so perhaps we should talk about it more. Talk about those we have loved and lost. To not be afraid to mention the name of someone who has died with fear of upsetting their loved ones. Not mentioning them hurts more.

       

  

   So what's the point in not enjoying life ?  Be grateful for it, in my transplant world people are dying waiting for an organ transplant they're desperate to live. Live for the moment my friends and that moment is now. 

The Art of Saying NO

Learning to say No 

Who has learnt the art of saying NO ?

                               

      

I feel very guilty when I say no to people , when I don't go out of my way to meet them or at least their expectations of me. It's just so hard, I feel mean and worry that they'll feel I'm not bothered about them. It's like you are rejecting them and not being a good friend. However by pleasing them you're not thinking of your own needs. 

     But now I'm sat here , the extended half term break is over and I feel more tense than when it started. I should be relaxed ready for the working week ahead but I can feel the sore tension in my shoulders, my throat is sore and I feel like a cold maybe brewing. I guess I have burnt myself out.  I want or need breathing space but it's not going to happen, I've left it too late it's Sunday Evening . Tomorrow the wheel of early starts , school runs and working days begin again. I'm not sure going to work in the dark and returning in the dark will lighten my mood either ! Please be reassured I'll try my best to be sunny and upbeat and not a grumpy old woman. 

I shouldn't complain I'm only in work two days this week but the early starts happen every morning. I'm also going through a period of insomnia again, my mind in over drive and full to bursting. I've tried that talking to a fellow human being malarkey this week it works to a point but I feel I understand myself better than anyone else ! I just don't feel the need to share all my thoughts as I often find other people's opinions attempt to cloud my own thoughts . Things then become more of an issue. Anyway this wasn't about my sleeping pattern......or my inner turmoils ! 

    Saying no, it's my fault, I need to man up and say enough now I need space. I should have kept one day for myself. No running around, no appointments, no meetings, phone calls, no changing plans, nothing grown up. Maybe just a day of daytime TV, magazines, the Internet, cake and copious amounts of tea. Might as well add in comfy PJ's and a blanket on the sofa. Anyway no good dreaming now. These things will have to wait. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the school holiday I did , always nice seeing friends......and eating. I just need to remember I'm important too, I matter and if I'm functioning below par that has a domino effect on the rest of my family. 

    So the best I can now do is candle lit bath, music and an early night. Saying that though I've been asleep at 9.30 for the past two nights. 

   I will learn the art of saying no before the Christmas Holidays ......maybe ? Probably not I think even more people will want a piece of my attention then !