18 years
216 months
936 weeks
6374 days
Happy 18th Birthday Eloise. For most parents they knew this day would come. They knew they’d watch their baby girl grow into a toddler, a young girl, a young teenager and onto being a young woman. Nothing has been certain here, no promises just statistics and a whole host of post transplant issues that showed us we were in for a battle. But we are a team and we’ve got here precious.
I hope I’ve given you a life that you’ve enjoyed , I’ve done my best and always tried to do the right thing for you. It was incredibly hard deciding whether to put you on the transplant list. I guess being a paediatric nurse I knew some of what you’d be facing, the painful procedures being the most upsetting. Could I put you through that I wondered at the time. I wasn’t ready to let you go though, I never ever will be. I hope I wasn’t selfish when I chose to sign those consent forms , when I let you go to theatre for your heart transplant. I hope the bad days have been minimal for you , I hate seeing you in pain and even then you remain incredibly brave. Post transplant life has expected a lot from you and you’ve never given up, you’ve never said “why me?”
Life is cruel and I wish you’d never learnt that at such a young age. I wish you hadn’t been pushed into a world where your young friends die. I can’t protect you from the harsh reality of post transplant life as I chose not to build a bubble around you. I decided to be truthful from the onset, whether I got this right I don’t know but I think it was the right decision, do you ? I admire your strength and how you get through the toughest of days without any drama, we could all learn so much from your quiet determination.
I didn’t dare imagine this day but at the same time I wanted it so badly. All those growing up milestones that people are scared of because their baby is growing up I’ve been desperate for you to achieve them. Life has gone fast, can it really be 18 years since my Warrior Maiden made her 8 week early entrance into the World? I held you in my arms so briefly and then you were whisked away to Neonatal Intensive care. I’ve never got used to handing you over to strangers and leaving you. However I’ve had every faith in all the medical teams that have played such an enormous role in your life, maybe they should get the birthday cake ?
So here you are another wonderful year older, possibly still none the wiser as you often hang out in Weasy’s World ! I know you still feel like a child but you are evolving.....slowly ! Change from adult to child doesn’t happen in one day and you’ll adapt. In the meantime I’ll carry on dragging you along and helping you with your hospital appointments etc. Remember you’ve got a lot more to deal with than your peers and it’ll always ok to ask for my help. You’re an awesome creature, who had an angiogram done awake and did so well despite being so very scared. You could have said no, you could have bottled it but no you endured it as you’re that kind of person.
18 years, 16 of those a gift from Zara’s family, the ultimate gift, the gift of life. The gift that money cannot buy, a priceless gift from a stranger. We are celebrating today because of their decision and their bravery. Zara is a huge part of our lives and we never forget her. We are so lucky to have Zara’s family in our life so they can watch you grow up too Eloise. I’m so glad you’ve know met Zara’s mummy the time was right this year for you both.
So Happy Birthday precious, can you get a chocolate hangover ? I’m sure you’ll be overindulging in huge slabs of Colin the Caterpillar cake. Enjoy your day Batgirl
Loads of love Mummy xxx
