Balancing life, work, family, children , partner, home, friends, hospital appointments, being a domestic goddess etc is tough. I've struggled a little with it all these past few weeks ( domestic goddess part probably my whole life ! ) since the New Year if I'm honest. Life's been a non stop whirl, but it kind of feels wrong to say that when I have friends whose struggles are huge and life changing the demands on them as a parent just huge. Things here have just seemed a little relentless, each potentially free day filled with an appointment or two. I'm not talking about anything major just dentist trips ( 3 so far) hospital appointments for Eloise, trips to the Drs, visit to the solicitor , a couple of parents Evenings, school plays and assemblies, meetings , deliveries. These have all needed a little juggling to make them happen usually involving someone collecting or looking after Henry if I'm honest.
We've also had a little run of broken appliances hoping that things come in threes thing is true as so far the Dyson, Tumble Drier and shower have been replaced ! Again 2 deliveries , a trip to B&Q and two visits from a plumber as the money pit house is never straight forward. I have to thank Warren for sorting the shower and he'll also be here for the new carpet being fitted and a furniture delivery from IKEA......well a host of cardboard boxes some plastic coated MDF and an array of screws ! I'm lucky Warren can help me out with the practicalities of upgrading and repairing my home, it helps.
It would just be good to have someone ( their father ) to share the other stuff with , S has never been to a hospital, dental or Drs appointment, he's never been to a school play, reading workshop, class assembly or enjoyed the chaos that is a secondary school parents evening ! Let alone the joy of "options" evening ! Not only has he never been he's not been here to care for the other kids while I do the appointments. I guess I'm resentful of "fun" dad, he's never had to deal with a petrified Millie sobbing at the dentist or sat for hours in GOSH, you get the idea. I guess it's hard when you slog away and dad arrives with gifts and promise of a good weekend out, cinema, TGI's and a nice hotel stay. It's just been a little tiring, another appointment tomorrow for Eloise's immunisations so for the third time this week Henry will be collected from school by one of his sisters. I know it's no big deal but it's my job as his mummy. Next week I get a breather it's half term and we are appointment free !
Sometimes I think I should work more hours. I only do 18hrs during school term time then a few weeks like this reminds me that I am one person juggling the needs of four children, including the bonus needs of managing Eloise's transplant and running a home. I have no more time to give to work , I need my week(s) off to balance myself mentally and regroup with my children . I'm incredibly lucky to have my contract. It enables me to keep going, knowing I can have special time with my children. I want us to enjoy our time together and we do ! I'll be gritting my teeth enduring the cold swimming pool at Butlins and the cheesy shows that are on offer next week. Knowing my youngest three children are having fun and being children. I'm sure I'll take a picture or two and memories will be made. I'm looking forward to watching Eloise and Millie during their dance class with Diversity.
So just a moany post ! I appreciate I'm lucky, I'm just tired, mentally and physically, insomnia is with me again probably because of the busy diary ! I'm hoping for a lovely weekend a chance to unwind and enjoy my life. It's a good one isn't it, I just need it to stop spinning !
Even reading this back after it's written makes me feel guilty, we are hard on ourselves aren't we our own worse critics. I'm just whinging, it was my choice to have the four children so of course they're going to take some looking after. Just nowhere near as hard as life must be for my friends with children who have additional and quite complex medical and emotional needs. My children are all displaying independence even Henry can fix himself a bowl of cereal. I'm lucky to watch them all growing up , I'm proud of them all.
