Time is the most precious thing we have,sometimes I like to be generous with my time and other times I hoard my time so I can look after myself. I think the hoarding of time has increased along with my years of age. Time has become more precious so I no longer waste it on people or activities that make me feel that time is being stolen from me and there’s no chance of it being returned.
Once time passes it is not renewable, it’s gone forever so it’s more valuable than money as you can make more money. When I was married I was time poor with my husband despite us having the money to do so much. With Warren I was rich in time as we made time for each other and our wonderful adventures, the memories I’ve been left with are precious. We can all beg for more time but that’s not possible, we just have to use the amount of time we are given more wisely. The clock is always ticking in the background.
Like everyone else I’ve wasted time, especially when I was younger, giving the wrong people too many chances and not walking away. Admittedly, this wasted time was due partly to the fact that, when you’re young, you don’t necessarily know what you value or what will bring benefit to you long term. But early in your life, much like having a lot of money in the bank, it doesn’t seem to matter because you, at that point, have plenty of time to spend. This year I’ve stopped giving second, third, fourth chances...... I guess when you reach a certain age you start looking back at your life and see the costs of your past relationships and things you did.
There’s that saying isn’t there “Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today.” Tomorrow’s never promised to any of us. We always think we have an endless amount of time, and that it won't run out! So we put things off, and the truth is, time isn't going to wait for us, and if we put off what we can do now, then life will get in the way. We can direct our own life but not the lives of others, so if we are planning our life around friends, or family, we need to think about what if? What if they get sick or die, that’s what happened to Warren who saw that coming ? I’m so glad we always made the most of our time together, rarely a dull unplanned moment ! I think Warren’s death has made me plan more catch ups with friends, I’ve seen so many of my friends in the last 11 weeks and it’s been wonderful seeing them not just a few typed social media messages. Of course I value all the messages my friends have taken the time to write as well but spending quality time with the right people is priceless.
Time became so much more important after Eloise’s transplant as the survival statistics I was given seemed to say here you go expect 5-10 years of life. I know they have to make you understand that transplant isn’t a cure and that transplanted hearts don’t always work forever but I got fixated on the number of years. Initially in a why bother kind of way as I felt Eloise’s death was imminent but thankfully I got into the quality of time over quantity mindset and life carried on. It carried on but with more colour, more trips out, more making of memories and lots more photographs. I’m glad that 5 years ago Warren got to join in as I feel we never wasted our time together.
Of course we still have to spend time doing things we’d rather not do and sometimes spend time with people who don’t interest us, that’s life and you can’t stop some of the time wasting activities like standing in a queue, sitting in traffic, attending parents evening, going to lectures etc. You just have to look after and protect the rest of your time. I guess just know what/who you value and prioritise. Make deliberate choices about how you spend and use your time. Then the tough bit , but believe me if you put yourself first it gets easier, discriminate against people and activities who waste your time. You know what’s coming next......life’s too bloody short !!!! Spend time wisely as to exist without living is not to live at all.
