Part One - Before.
Imagine meeting someone for the first time , someone you've thought about often, if not daily for over 12 years. Someone whose life became entwined with your own just because they answered yes to a question. Someone who saved your child's life while their own child was hooked to machines dying, brain stem dead. Tomorrow I'm doing just that and I'm excited, nervous and confused as to whether it's the right thing to do.
I've never had any real desire to meet this lady, a little worried as to where this meeting may lead us. I guess a lot of donor family meets recipient family stories we get to hear about are played out in the media. Sometimes I've not been comfortable with what I've read. One story in particular has always freaked me a little, an American story, where the donor mum has wanted to hear her daughter's heart beat one more time. So when they meet she uses a stethoscope to do just that. I know that for many people this isn't an issue, they'd be happy to let this happen. I know for me it's just not going to happen.
I began writing to R straight away, the week after Eloise's transplant, sending updates and photographs when requested by the donor coordinator. I have subsequently found out Rebecca never asked for these personal updates and was content with the yearly updates donor families can have via their coordinators a basic yes they are alive and doing well. She most definately never wanted a photograph ! In fact she couldn't look at them but her husband S wanted to see Eloise. I'm saddened by this as for years she must have thought I was pushing Eloise on to her. We are going to look into this . After 9 years R wrote back to me. I have 5 letters now in a drawer. We no longer write to each other as around this time last year R found me on Twitter as we followed the same account. We email regularly several times a day , some days and at the least weekly. R was, is very supportive of me and Eloise, she was great during all the blips, like many she'd never considered the implications of post transplant life but has been happy to learn. From our emails our relationship has grown and strengthened. We decided at some point we'd meet just the two of us, mother to mother. No time scale was decided, we just knew one day we'd meet. We also discussed Eloise and decided meeting her was not an option at the moment.
So we just plodded along until last week, we got brave ! I'm taking Eloise to London tomorrow as she's off on a PGL camp with GOSH transplant team and a group of teenage heart transplantees. I asked if R lived near London. Then a meeting evolved from that, it seems like a golden opportunity as I'm in London anyway. We'll meet for coffee, chat and see how the day goes from there. I'm thinking we'll get along in reality as we do virtually but who knows. I guess it's just time to find out !
Not sure if I'll sleep much tonight , but hey what's new ! Outfit all sorted, what do you wear to such a meeting ? I've gone for a frock, and my burgundy shiny shoes, I needed clothes that make me feel comfortable and happy. I can hear a certain man saying "Women !" at this point .
Will we hug ? Both of us have confessed to not being very touchy feely
Will we cry ? I really hope not, by "talking" for nearly a year I hope we are past a lot of the raw emotion, need tissues any way as I'm sneezing like mad at the minute !
Will we have anything to say to each other ? Please no awkward silences ! I'm hoping we can chat freely with each other.
Part Two - After
Yesterday was so the right thing to do, it had to happen the time was right for us both. Eloise's health is back to normal, she looks and feels amazing and her tests this week confirmed this and reassured me. My life is in a really good, settled and quite normal, I guess , place ! R was also ready.
As Eloise's coach was late R window shopped and got a cup of tea while she waited for me. I walked to our meeting point and saw a lady sat down that had to be her. I approached, she looked shocked to see me, we hugged and I sat down. I asked about ordering tea but R said she needed to move on, too unsettled at this point to sit and chat. So we walked, I had pre warned her that I wanted to walk so our shoes were comfy ones ! I'm so glad it was a dry day as we walked initially to Covent Garden, chatting all the way. Of course it was very busy . In the end we found a small independant cafe so I could have lunch and we could get a drink. We stayed until the cafe shut at 4pm. Conversation flowed no awkward moments, no upset, lots of remembering, sharing and laughter too. It was like we'd always been friends, two halves of the same story.
I'm not going to share what we spoke about that's just for us but we both said we'd share this information with our friends. It rendered us speechless and is such a huge coincidence. R told me which hospital she worked in so I said I used to work in Edgware General '94-'96 on Rainbow ward the paediatric unit. R was working there at that time, I even walked past the building she worked in , she's a haematology nurse and the Cord bank was in Edgware. I then said I lived in Edgware as well in a rented Terraced House. R asked where so I told her. Can you imagine that for a year we lived on the same road ! '95-'96 R and her then partner S owned no 55 and we rented no 33 so just 12 houses apart. We probably passed in the street ! What are the odds on this ? It's just quite unreal.
So we had another cup of tea as R wasn't ready to let me go ,after walking through Leicester Square and Piccadilly Circus . We then caught the tube at Oxford Circus and said our goodbyes with a hug at the Baker Street tube stop where R got off. She left saying she was really glad we'd met, she had no desire to meet Eloise and felt satisfied with our meeting and therefore no need for us to meet again........her 6.30am email says differently this Morning, she hopes we can chat over more cups of tea in the future.
