ACHE
verb (used without object), ached, aching.
1.
to have or suffer a continuous, dull pain:
His whole body ached.
2.
to feel great sympathy, pity, or the like:
Her heart ached for the starving animals.
3.
to feel eager; yearn; long:
She ached to be the champion. He's just achingto get even.
4. 
a continuous, dull pain (in contrast to a sharp,sudden, or sporadic pain).
I ache.....
I ache, physically right now I have an ache or two, this is a conservative estimate , I'm discovering long lost muscles ! This can be explained by 3 good sessions at the gym, 2x 50 length swims and a heavy duty day in the garden all in a week. I feel the garden is in better shape than me , damned middle aged body, and the garden had only had one session so far...... A wall striped of a ton of evil ivy ! Next job getting the ivy pile disposed of ! 
Note to self - * stop exchanging burnt off calories for treats then and just then you may actually see a result , as in weight loss not gain. You most definately cannot keep telling yourself that muscle weighs more than fat as muscular you're not !
Physical aches and pains being dealt with warm bath with a relaxing bath bomb, a few pills, cup of tea, candle light and relaxation. 
I ache......
I ache , mentally right now , my head feels full, so much whizzing around.
Manageable - Stuff I can deal with, general parenting issues, who's where this week, appointments, after school activities, Henry's reading, Leah's trip, organising a repeat blood test for Eloise and who is bringing a friend home for tea !
Sadness- losing a young girl in our Heart Transplant Families UK support group, sadly she passed away last month because of PTLD , do you know what that is ? I feel sad that I have to know, it's Post Transplant Lymphoproliferative Disorder , a lymphoma caused often by EBV Epstein-Barr Virus, you may be more familiar with this virus as one of the more common things it causes is Glandular Fever. Eloise had high levels of EBV for a while, hence the enlarged tonsils that later on needed removal. If caught early PTLD is treatable, treatment varying from the simple measure of lowering anti rejection meds, to chemo and radiotherapy.
I ache with sadness for this young girls family, I wonder what if ? I'm sad that I have this worry for my Eloise and the rest of my #transplantfamily. It's back to that saying transplant is just the beginnnng you swap one set of medical problems for another, so bloody true. You've got to keep one eye on the ball. I'm very grateful to the young girl's mum for sharing her daughter's story with us all and raising awareness of this transplant complication.
Divorce- no major developments but I'm in limbo , as it's been in the news about divorce settlements I'm glad we've taken our time sorting out our financial agreement, but it's never far from my thoughts. I cannot make any major plans and do any of the work I need to do on my home until I know how my finances will be and how much more money the solicitor will drain out of me !
Work- NHS, busy, stress and I'll just leave it there, code of conduct and all that 😉
Study Day- my study day nemesis is snapping at my heels, Advanced Paediatric Life Support , hated on one level as the flashbacks I'm getting at night are quite vivid right now, words seem like they are being shouted, the equipment is staring me in the face. I see my child lifeless, cold and covered in tubes and wires, I'm watching monitors, I'm hearing their alarms, I'm watching the faces of the staff caring for her. I know I'll be able to deal with this safely and I will box it all away again. I can talk about everything that happened without breaking down. It's just tattooed into my brain ! Truth be told I hate role play and the dreaded scenarios much more these days so that in itself indicates progress !
Dealing with my mental aches in the same way as my physical ones and actually doing the garden and swimming etc gave me time out from my jumbled thoughts .I'm too busy concentrating on whether its a weed I'm digging up or a prize shrub or whether I can lap the old lady "running" up and down the pool without knocking into the very slow splashy person doing backstroke. You've just got to laugh haven't you? My mental aches aren't big ones, all will be calm (ish) again soon. Two days at work and one study day are all that stand in front of over two weeks off and a trip to Northern Ireland. I can do this .
I ache to feel relaxed , carefree and happy but is that something we lost during our childhood ? Xxx
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