7.15am -23rd May 2022 is here and I feel nothing other than anticipatory nerves as Eloise has a heart transplant clinic appointment this morning at Papworth. When Eloise received the appointment for this date last month my heart pounded and I felt sick. Of all the dates, it was this one the 23rd May, a date that’s so vividly remembered 20 years on. A day that became one of the worse days of my life. Eloise offered to get it changed and I did give it some thought. However I have Mondays off work and as the appointment is at 8.25 we had to come here yesterday. We’ve also missed being with Amelia on her 19th birthday but I don’t think she needs me cramping her style. Time is a great healer they say and perhaps it is. The scars of what went before remain with me, but I’m processing things differently. I’ve chosen to not think about 23rd May 2002 and I now have control. Today is just another day.
11am- today is a good day, Eloise has had her appointment, good ecg, chest X-ray and blood results ( how speedy was that !) She’s doing really well, no concerns and will have a CT angiogram at her next appointment. To be fair as she was only seen at the Bristol Heart Institute last Monday I went into this appointment as relaxed as I could be. Always getting Eloise to look for high spikes (voltages) on her ecg as low spikes are an indication of rejection. I no longer go into Eloise’s appointments , I’m just here as her travel companion. I don’t think anything will change how I feel today. Living in the moment is the best way, I think the past will stay shut in its protective box in my head today. If it does creeps out it’ll just be in the shadows tonight.
12.38- More thoughts, I think the turn around started 3 or 4 years ago, each year the build up got less and less until this year, absolutely nothing. Warren’s unexpected death followed by a two year pandemic has just confirmed that I’m totally right to live in the moment and see the joy in every day. Some days it is a struggle to stay positive but I usually manage it. I’ve had a few (now resolved )health issues over the past year and I’ve questioned my own mortality. Even during those days I still made plans and doing things I enjoy with those I love really helped. I like to live not to just exist, making memories and taking a lot of photographs is so important to me. Plus my ever increasing Jellycat Crew.Just do what ever makes you happy. Time is not something we will always
have, so if you want to do something do it now. Don’t dream it, plan it.
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