PAT equates to Pre Appointment Tension . Well it's here , I am experiencing it right now.
So far my sleep isn't too disturbed , for which I am grateful. I think insomnia is the most torturous kind of anxiety . It drives you to tears when you just lie there with your tangled thoughts . You feel so alone in the dark. When you sleep you can forget your worries and recharge your batteries for the battle ahead. I am sure insomnia will rear it's ugly head next week but for now I am grateful.
Palpitations are pretty horrendous, they started last week, heart is really jumpy . I hate that in the throat feeling. It is so hard to regulate and ignore. I try to calm myself but it's not easy.
My other symptom is feeling sick, that stomach churning dread in the pit of your stomach. It also grips and gives you cramps. I have to deep breathe to overcome the anxiety. But I am trying to control it.
I think because I have had such uncertainty with Eloise over the last few months I have had to find some coping strategies and put them into place. I am more aware of my own needs and mental health. I have enjoyed writing updates in Eloise's FaceBook group and have found off loading to be beneficial. Hence why I started this blog, my therapy an insight into how things are in my World. I have also retreated to a Sanctuary otherwise known as the family bathroom. An hour long soaking session by candlelight with relaxing music, time to zone out ! It works, I know when I need to be alone, when I am getting twitchy !
Social media has played a big part too. I have found some great friends on Facebook over the years but I have found a lovely new support network on Twitter which is working well for me. Great to connect with new people, even upgrade them from social media friends to reality friends. I have also found that even though I run a Heart Transplant support group it is not for me. I don't want to post updates about Eloise in the group although I do in her own Facebook group.
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with anxiety , you just have to find what is right for you, it's all about self preservation , for some they need to be surrounded by others for me I think I need to retreate and switch off a little, so lock down and protect myself.
One more week to go then it's off to GOSH for Eloise's rescheduled early Annual Review, ECG, Echo, bloods, chest X-Ray, exercise tolerance test, MRI scan and a coronary angiogram.
A picture tweeted to me this week sums things up well X
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