Me !

Me, who am I ? 

Well there's a question ! 

I am Rebecca Louise Verrier Allen .

Named Rebecca Louise by my parents in 1969, yes I am that old ! Verrier was my surname before I married.

I am Mrs Allen , married in 1996 and as yet not divorced . I will however keep this surname as it's the surname my children have. They also have Verrier as a middle name so we could go double barrelled.

I am Rebecca to the families and children I look after at work #mynameisRebecca 

I am Bec to my family and friends. Also I am Bec on Twitter my second home.

I am Bec Allen on Facebook.

I am Mummy, this is my most important title, the thing I wanted most in my life, my greatest achievement . I fulfilled my dream of four children , I love being mummy.

I am Leah's mum, Eloise's mum, Amelia's mum, Henry's mum, Josie and Vic's Daughter, Christian's Sister, the list goes on......

For over 16 years now my life has been extremely busy being mum, but in September things changed as Henry,  my youngest , started school. I now have time on my hands. "Me" time and I am unsure of what to do with it. In that I cannot really remember what I used to do with my time pre family, I cannot remember what I used to enjoy. Maybe this is a good thing as I can start over, find new interests but I am at a loss as to where to start. I suppose I arrived in Bristol in Oct 1996 and soon became pregnant with Leah so I "know" Bristol mainly as a mum, not as a Single woman .

   Previously my 3 child free days off a month were spent shopping but I think even to my shopaholic standards shopping 2-3 days a week is a little excessive ! I am thinking of joining a local gym off peak, I used to enjoy it until they closed the crèche making accessing the club with a baby impossible. This will also help me tone up and lose the blubber, so a positive on many levels, think of all those endorphins! The club also boasts a lovely pool, I find swimming extremely relaxing, a bit womb like and safe, the room is quite echoey I like that. Swimming could replace my need to chill out in the bath so often. 

     I am wondering about a photography course, I do love a camera and when it's not being repaired I carry my Nikon S9500 with me every non working day. Psychological thing of mine, cannot miss a moment. I also have a Nikon 1 and will be acquiring a zoom lense for that in a week or so. I think even if I don't do a course I should experiment more. I also need to sort out all my memory cards and make some more photo books, my pictures of my family need to be preserved. 

         After another visit from the AA man, second this month, I am wondering whether a car maintainence course would be a good thing for me. I confess I couldn't even open the bonnet but hey I did manage to reset the clock ! Car problem not my fault by the way, dead battery as in had to be replaced. Perhaps I should just try to overcome my fear of driving I hate it, it's my main anxiety after Eloise's health and public speaking. I have this lovely car which I drove 500 miles in last year, pointless me having it really. Even have an unused Sat Nav , which will be outdated now.

         I also have a lot of maintainence and decorating to do in this tomb of a house and a garden to sort out. A lot of the work will need to be done professionally as it's a Victorian house and everything you touch has a problem ! I think I will enjoy making it beautiful again. I will enjoy looking at paint charts, material and shopping for accessories ......see shopping again ! 

           Love going to see Musicals but this is a passion I have managed to keep going , so I hope this continues. Quite an expensive love ! Strangely I have never been to a gig, there's a thought.

    

       Ok so I can think of ways to pass my time but sometimes company is good. I do like my own space, my own company but somethings are better with friends. Day time is ok but evenings another matter. I am quite happy doing most daytime activities alone even the Cinema as you don't talk during a film anyway ! I used to be happy walking into a Bar alone and finding someone to talk to, easy enough when you are in your early 20's perhaps a little desperate in your mid 40's. I also miss male company, not in a romantic , being a couple way just that I enjoy talking to men. Probably after working 25 years in a female dominated role it's good to be in the company of men. I gave looked at and baulked at many online dating agencies, it's not what I want in life. Not sure I have time to dedicate to a new relationship right now, how do you date and put your children's needs first ? I do however want a larger social circle , people to call on when you fancy a night out, to a pub, club, gig, exhibition etc. So I have joined City Socializer which does just that....well here's hoping ! Be good to meet like minded people and have some fun. Will keep you posted. Not sure about going on some of the Socials I have been invited too, but will keep an open mind ! New beginnings. 

I am about to start the quest to rediscover me , Bec being herself not what is expected of her by the demands of others. Exciting x