Then there was Warren within hours of starting up a conversation we met, all be it very, very briefly in Cabot Circus. Warren was working, he wanted me to see he was genuine. Conversation via text continued from that, with Warren deciding he'd see me again !
Just a couple of days after that I flew to Turkey with my children for two weeks. Thank goodness for wifi ! Messages bounced back and forth several times a day as we found out more about each other. While the interest was very flattering it was a bit eeeeccck too, a bit full on and fast moving. I remember feeling a little anxious , what was happening here. I wasn't sleeping so then there was the email, I guess Warren got his own personal blog post and I off loaded my feelings in a way I know works for me.
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"Morning Warren,
Thought I'd just try to explain a little more about my way of thinking. I'm not sure what type of women you've dated before but I guess as you're single possibly not the right ones. I'm different , I guess from many and that's not a bad thing.
Obviously I've not found what or who I want in my life. I've dated two types of people I think. When young people with no ambition, no drive, no desire to move from their birth town, perhaps male chauvinistic tendencies . I felt trapped and suffocated by them. I had two two long term relationships and many shorter ones. But again no regrets I left home , moved away and trained as a nurse never returning to my home Town to live since I was 19 , so I thank those men and the ones that followed , I went to Canada I moved away again, because I could. Then S came along, work driven, clever, older than me (only by 5 years ) educated, ambitious and with a good standard of life. So I tried a man like that, but his work swallowed him up long days, drinking in the Evenings, stress, anger, frustrations. Whether he wants to be he's married to his job, he's a director for ***, if owns him.
So now I have to find someone who's the same as me in values, ambition, dreams, wants, strength...looks don't matter , but inner attraction does. I think no matter how good a person you are, if someone can't hold their own then the relationship becomes uneven and is doomed for failure, so they have to be equally as intelligent, experienced, driven, hard working, emotionally stable, financially secure, and most importantly.....fulfilled with their life and where it's going. It gets so much harder as we all get older. When dating you have to listen to your gut because the little niggles don't go away. I won't sacrifice anything again either, I cannot lose my identity or my feeling of self. The person I want to meet has to add to my life and enhance it, not change it .
When you are young and it's first time around, everyone knows the plan, meet him , get engaged, have kids and stick together knowing times will be tough. When you have been there and done it, you want completely different things and quite often, you don't even know what those things are, it's a big journey of self discovery and it's harder to know if someone is going to tick all the boxes, I guess you just learn what doesn't work and move on more enlightened.
I have my children and I'm financially independent and I don't need a man to sustain me or my life style.
We all just want the same thing fundamentally, and that's to be made to feel special and someone who will keep trying to make us feel wanted and appreciated. Because women like me don't need the security, men have to find completely different ways to make us tick.
I see in you things I like great work ethic, hard working, you've moved your role forward, established your road show thing, training up new people etc. I like the passion you have for your hobby, totally not my thing but that's good, good to have your own life and interests. I'd worry if you didn't as I like what I do in my spare time too.
You value your family, I love that, you travelling to be with your nephew post heart surgery really struck me . My Ex has never attended any of Eloise's hospital appointments or been there during her hospital stays. I've done them all even when heavily pregnant or just having given birth, that's hard going as she goes to Great Ormond Street. In fact that made me a little teary. Ok I'm crying .I love how close you are to your family, it's so nice and quite refreshing to hear a man say that. Your mum brought you up well , I hope I do the same for my children.
So the point in this email ? I guess the things that I like about you are the things you've probably forgotten writing. I don't need fancy words, no need to impress me. I need to manage your expectations . Just think how amazing it is we even connected initially. Both only joining Tinder that week , me not even thinking of dating for over 3 years. Just going on it as I was curious really. Something made that happen. I wouldn't have let you onto my FB etc if I didn't want to get to know you. Obviously if I hadn't gone away we'd have had that coffee by now. We still need to do that, we will. You just need to say when you're free on the Mon ( 4th ), Tues or Wed. We'll take it from there. Hey and be bossy if you need to be that made me laugh last night . I like to laugh, but please no more cute and you don't adore me etc not yet. It's just a fantasy in your head, you need to meet me to feel like that.
There you are I doubt you thought you'd get this epic email. I just want you to "get " me ! If you want to know more read my blog, I think you'd need to be really bored but you may have a bit of spare time !
http://eternal-optimist-hope.blogspot.com.tr
You take care, make sure you catch some thieving bastards today please :-)
Have a good day
Bec xxx
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I can't say I've not had the odd wobble over the past year, I'd be lying if I did. I've not found it easy and why should I , it's been 20+ years since I last dated and I've got standards ! I'm sure I've infuriated Warren at times but I believe I've remained true to myself and he always says he likes how open I am, that good then ! I'll say it as it is, rather that than things rumble along.
I've found myself a good man, one that cannot do enough for me, who looks after me well and has been great with my children. He has made an effort with my family and friends as well. So that's been our first year, it's been fun. I wanted someone to be there for me, to hold my hand, to hug me lots, hold me when I cry, make me laugh and smile lots. I've got that and more.
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