Friendships

Friendships - tricky things aren't they ? You think we'd be good at this friendship thing as we get older seeing as we've been making friends from an early age. Maybe it's because our expectations change and how we view our friendships.Major Life changes especially in my experience negative ones can often lead to a shift in friendships well any kind of relationship to be honest. I remember the online "friendship" explosion that happened when I told a large forum of women about my husband's affair , anyway I digress.  I have a small core of people in reality who have been there through the hell, I have more that couldn't take the heat . But their leaving opened up opportunities for new friendships to be made. Through the worst of times you usually realise who is truly there for you. Now as we are lucky to have the Internet and social media you can often seek out a group of people who become friends to you often the best of friends . Some of those because of the geographical distance between you remain cyber friends, others you can meet in reality. These friendships are important , these people are often in a similar situation, they totally get "it" whatever "it" maybe. A unity of experience. 

Friends are a really big part of our lives . Their influence is significant, so it’s a mistake to underestimate their effect on our happiness and self-esteem. I think I used to be more tolerant of people , friends, before Eloise's transplant. I think I was a more caring person, I had that time and the capacity to not drown in everyone else's problems. Afterwards things changed within me, I realised I needed to choose the people I spent time with carefully . I couldn't be destroyed by toxic friendships. I had less of myself to give. It's hard to pull away from friendships but you have to sometimes for self preservation purposes. 

    What makes a friendship toxic ? For me it was when someone exhausted me, drained me leaving me on empty. Sometimes I just dreaded seeing them face to face. Knowing I'd leave the meet up feeling I'd had the happiness sucked out, they made me feel bad for being happy. Often the same person would be quite critical . Also the conversation would have been so miserable and all about them. Some people it seems can't bear to see you happy, they prefer the downs and dramas in your life. Maybe they like soap operas 😉

Sometimes our friends are only semi-toxic or "difficult" I guess most of us are ! If on the whole a friendship is good it should be nurtured and put back on track. Then I try to be understanding and appreciate where my friend is coming from. If you have a good friendship you can tell each other what's bugging you without any major dramas! That usually works !!!! If it doesn't it's just oops another friend bites the dust ! Or a bit of a sulk.......

I like to speak my mind these days, not sure it's because of my age , I'm at the grumpy old woman stage ! So for me straight talking and honesty are the best options. It might not always be the best for those on the receiving end but at the end of the day I'm giving them my opinion. We are all entitled to that as we are also entitled to disagree. I feel no obligation to say what people want to hear, they get to hear my thoughts. I feel if you have come to me and asked for my opinion that's what you deserve, my take on a situation. So your problem, issue looked at through another's eyes. If you don't feel comfortable with that don't put me in that position, that's playing fair. Sorry friends !!!! If I have any left that is.

    Friendships are wonderful things if you nurture them, I'm lucky to have some wonderful friends who accept me for who I am. I'm not sure I could always tolerate me but you do and I appreciate everyone of you. Some of you poor buggers know more than others sorry if you've been chosen ! I'm hoping the chosen few know that I'm there for them 100% and I love them. Just know that I have chosen you because I trust you with my thoughts, fears, past and my dreams for the future.