Instruction Manual

Instruction Manual of Life - 

  

If life or my life had come with an instruction manual would I have read it ? Probably not ! I've never read any kind of self help book or "how to " book, maybe that's where I've been going wrong ? Would I have followed any of the instructions ? Maybe if they'd been laid out step by step like a Lego manual with bright coloured pictures of how to place a handful of bricks at a time. Actually I probably still wouldn't have bothered to read it. I rarely read for pleasure let alone because I had too ! 

I think my book of instructions would have been quite big and it would have had to have had multiple additions and updates. Or would my manual have known about the decisions I was going to make ?  Was my life programmed ? My life has managed to be quite complicated and difficult at times. If there is such a thing as normal life I'm guessing this isn't it ? 

         So there is no manual and I'm just making the rules up as I go along. Sometimes I get things wrong and that's just part of the learning . The experiences I've gone through are shaping my life, that explains why I'm not always in great shape physically or mentally then ! I often wonder "what if ?"  Or think "if only."  I'm only human . Did any of you have those puzzle type books where you read your own adventure by choosing to turn to page 56 or page 78 ? So each time you read the book the story would be different. In the book each turn of the page moves the story along. Real life is like these books each decision you make has consequences but in life there's no going back you can't rewrite life. 

       Everything we have gone though makes us who we are today. The fact we are still here shows we have the courage to get up and keep fighting . We all have "wounds and scars" but they show life was worth fighting for. It is. I expect if my instruction manual did exist the section on surviving would be pretty huge . Sometimes I feel all I did was survive, I hung on in there either clawing myself out of the "hole" or the right person throw me a rope. I feel it's good to share the fact that at times life can feel quite broken but slowly and carefully the pieces will go back together, it will always be flawed but still beautiful. You just need to be gentle with yourself and take all the time you need to self preserve. 

      I guess if I was living the dream life that I thought of during my younger years it would have been, husband, two beautiful children, lovely home, great career. So maybe to a point the book of life led me there ? I had all of those things , then someone scribbled on a page and tore it up ! Hell arrived in the form of Eloise's myocarditis and subsequent heart transplant. From then on the instruction manual became null and void, life's never been the same again. My new reality is pretty good though, no husband, four beautiful children, our own home, a perfect contract at work ( even if most of my ladies have left me) a supportive circle of friends and a good social life. The pages are just a little battered from the stress of having a potentially life limited child and all the post heart transplant difficulties. Then the husband had to go so that tore a few pages up as well. Oh well , I've managed to sellotape a few of the pages back together ! 

    So book or no book the only answer in life is to keep moving forward however uncertain the future is. You just have to do your best with what you've been given, though I really hate that bollocks that you're only given what you can cope with in life ! 

   I have learnt in life , as I'm sure you all have, that life is unfair. It always will be unfair so we have to fight for what we want and be as strong as we can for ourselves and for those we love. You have to believe in your decisions and actions. I often wish life was easy but would it then be dull ? A bit of dull occasionally would be good ! But it's the tough times , the times when we've fought and succeeded that earn us pride in ourselves and the feeling of satisfaction. It certainly makes my life story more interesting.....maybe even worth a read ? 

My life is my reality. Does anyone want to write a manual for me ?