“It feels like everyone wants a piece of me.”
Just the above really, life seems to be hectic at the minute and the school holidays a distant memory. The past three weeks have been a whirlwind physically and more so mentally. Thank goodness I relaxed for nearly six weeks and took good care of my mental well being. At times over the past three weeks I've felt overwhelmed, rushed and at times even buried under the weight of so many competing demands. This middle aged lark with aging parents and young children can be a challenge . I feel torn and scattered running my home, working ( very part time I know ) and caring for many loved ones. I feel shattered into many pieces and incomplete.
Yet at the same time it's good to feel needed and wanted, it's good to know you can make a difference. There are times in my life that I have felt very alone and very isolated. Partly because I didn't reach out to people and partly because I hadn't found the right people to engage with. I never want other people to feel like that. I hope by sharing Eloise's transplant story and our fourteen years of experiencing the good, bad and ugly we can reach out to people in a similar situation.
I just wish life could be more balanced, at the moment I'm in the "it never rains but it pours" stage ! Just one thing after another and I feel like an emotional wreck, then I feel guilty for feeling this way. I've cried with sheer frustration, I've cried as I'm tired of all this, I've cried because I'm sad, I've cried because I'm angry. Yes it's been a soggy month so far, sorry pillow and thank you waterproof mascara. Thank you work colleagues for dealing with my tears, just don't ask if I'm alright next time. I am ok really just a break from dealing with anything else would be good, time to catch my breath then I'll be right back with you.
Most of the people who need a piece of me, would be at my side propping me up if I needed them. I no longer allow the takers to take, having been previously drained by some people I no longer allow this to happen. The relationships and friendships I have now are equal. We scream on the roller coaster of life together. Also I give pieces of myself to people I've never met, people in the transplant community again this is my choice and I'm very happy to provide that support.
So I'm hoping for a few days of the quiet life and spending quality time with family and friends this weekend. Starting to rebuild myself ready for life's next attack as it will happen. So please life let me have a weekend of loveliness, let me sleep, let me clear some of the fog dampening my restless mind, just let me be........thank you.
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