Waves and learning how to ride them, fear not I've not gone all athletic and out doorsy. I'm not writing a blog on surfing, imagine me wedged in a wetsuit......no maybe not. I'm talking about the waves we have in life, the tides, the ripples, the storms.
Life over the last few months could be described as swimming through choppy shark infested waters with periods of duck pond calmness ! The waves have been quite high at times and some have gone over my head, but I did not drown. I will confess to a few near drownings and a few tearful flood warnings . The question "are you all right?" opened the tear tap a couple of times !
I often have waves of sadness and grief but I manage them, if you plan ahead you can survive the tallest of waves. If you're really lucky someone throws you a life buoy, reeling you in and telling you everything will be ok. Sometimes it feels like the waves are relentless, I'm screaming please give me a break while the sadness batters my mind and body. The pounding is painful but I'm lucky enough to have good people by my side dragging me back to safety or at least wrapping me up safely in a life jacket ! Sometimes they just have to watch me struggle to shore by myself, but knowing someone cares enough to look out for you can be enough. It means for them you won't give up. It's hard when the waves are coming at you from many directions, hard to not be totally pulled under, you need someone to rescue you in a lifeboat at that point. Again if you've got the right people in your life you'll not sink to the bottom of the ocean. So here I am, surviving storms but hoping for a bit of calm soon, I feel a bit bruised, so very tired but always hopeful.
Times like this can be exhausting, I've dealt with family illness, financial matters, divorce, ex husband angst, Christmas planning, death , stress, anxiety, children juggling, my money pit of a house. I know it's no different than what many of you are experiencing. Maybe by me sharing this you'll realise we all have the same worries and anxieties but we keep them bottled in. All very good at putting on a smile and carrying on.
So I'm getting good at treading water at the minute, I have no choice but to keep on swimming......go Dory, go ! I have to be brave and face what's coming. Dealing with a flood of emotion can be exhausting. One day I hope to reach acceptance, to accept what's happened in the past. I know I'm not there yet but that's ok. It's ok to be angry, scared and sad, it's ok not to be ok, it's ok to be honest with people.
Life can be like this at times but there is still so much to be thankful for and my life still has plenty of good times and sparkle. I'm lucky I have lots of lovely things planned over the next few weeks and months and seeing these things ahead of me like bright light houses , well it keeps me floating .
I'm not afraid of the storms, perhaps sometimes I'm afraid of the calm as I fear it's too good to last. I know that's a little crazy but too good to be true often is ! Some of the waves going on at the moment in my life are transferred from those I love dearly . We cling to each other and jump those waves together, we may as well make a splash together ! You learn a lot about yourself and the people you've chosen to share your life with during the storms. I know how to process my fears better, I know what I need to improve on, I know who I am, what I am capable of, what I can tolerate, what/who I need to survive and maybe more importantly what I can let go, drift wood.....I'm a survivor , I'm surviving circumstances that I feared the most. I'm not prepared to drown, so if anyone can lend me a boat that would be good !
If you too are fighting the waves, look at them head on and just breathe, you've got this. ❤️
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