Naked - those of you expecting a sexually explicit blog entry may as well log off now to avoid any disappointment !
Last night I found this picture on Twitter and it got me thinking....
Have I ever been naked in front of someone ? The answer is yes.
It's very hard opening up to someone on this intense level, your vulnerability is there for them to see. You feel extremely exposed and once everything has been said there is no way back. Words cannot be sucked back in they are out in all their muddled glory. I cried that day, I actually cried a few times , my emotions came spilling out. Not the best of locations in public in central London, but we don't always choose the time or location. I didn't find peace after sharing my inner fears infact I felt worse, I wished I could retract them . I felt stupid, I felt I had passed on a burden that my friend didn't ask to carry for me. I was angry with myself for letting someone in . But it happened.
A few days later however I felt lighter, more at peace, my palpitations decreased, my need to lock myself in the bathroom for an hour became less of a need and after 6 months of insomnia I slept through for 8 hours at a time. I did still feel guilty for sometime for my friend, me crying on our day out wasn't a good thing. To a bystander it would have looked like we'd had a bust up, that my friend had upset me deeply. I pushed my friend away and walked off but they soothed me and allowed my emotions to spew out. I'm so grateful to have that friend and can now see how invaluable their support was during such a difficult time. I value our friendship and am thankful they came into my life when I needed someone.
I winged it those difficult 8 months, I kept going but only because I had a close core of special people in my life holding my hand and stopping me from drowning. They listened, reminded me we always have hope and that Eloise is a fighter. They of course were right.
I can totally see now the need to talk, it's time to change. 1 in 4 of us suffers from Mental Health Issues, I'm not one of them but I so could be. I'm lucky to have people who understand my transplant fears, they listen to me and understand. Not everyone is so lucky. So please if someone at work for example seems out of sorts please talk to them, show you care, let's find time for each other.
Never underestimate friendships made via social media, I think those I'm closest too have come to me that way and stayed for the duration, now upgraded into my reality. Even though only one of them has seen me "naked" the others have seen me in my underwear , so sorry guys !!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment