Happy 14th Birthday to my beautiful girl Eloise, I chose her name well it means Warrior Maiden.
Eloise with her Boofle, her present from Warren x
Eloise was born on the 7th September 2000 at 11.33am , born on a Thursday like all my daughters, poor things all have "far to go " Eloise was born at 32 weeks as my waters broke at work on the Sunday before. I never did find out a reason for her premature birth. Any way she was a healthy and a respectable 4lb 15oz and was discharged from hospital 11 days later.
You're all familiar with her journey since, her heart transplant , her blips !
Today of course is a day of celebration my precious girl is 14, if she'd not received a transplant the only birthday we'd have celebrated was her first birthday . That's hard thinking like that. No donor, no birthdays just death. Of course Eloise was lucky in that respect because R donated her precious baby's heart and saved Eloise's life.
So 13 extra birthdays ultimately because of organ donation , add in excellent hospital care, good Drs , pioneering procedures, new medications and my daughter's quiet determination you've got quite a strong team ! 13 very special years but I want more, who doesn't ?
So Today I cried and cried yes I know not my usual style !
Warren had one soggy shoulder but as he said he does have another. Maybe I just needed to, actually my eyes still hold tears now. I'm happy of course I am but birthdays mean years passed , good normally I know but it's like a count down when you are given a life expectancy for your child. Another year closer to the end, but then thinking logically aren't we all ? That's called getting older ! But I fear my child will be denied the chance to get old, no adulthood, it's closer now of course than it was. She's a teenager and growing up to be a wonderful person. I want more years, I want her with me for ever. I'm angry that this might not be a possibility , hating the virus that destroyed life as it was. Yet at the same time I feel guilt, survivors guilt my daughter is still here, her donor isn't and we have lost many of our #transplantfamily over the last couple of years. Normal service will return, I'll bounce back, but Eloise's birthday does lead me to a short period of reflection. It was good to cry today in front of someone and feel safe to do so, not done that since I was in London with M in December.
So I'll give myself a shake, put my smile back on my face. Celebrate with my four beautiful children this Evening now that S and the Mother in Law have left us alone again. 5 is quite a magic number add in my +1 and I'm happy too. Oh and cake too, so it's going to be a good evening x
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