Thought I'd take the opportunity to have some "me" time , please don't let this put you off reading but I'm currently in the bath. Just be thankful I don't blog via YouTube ! Candles are lit, scented bubble bath, Sam Smith is serenading me and I have that British answer to any psychological trauma with me a cup of tea.
Just felt I wanted to blog this Morning not entirely sure where this blog post will take us, think it's more unstructured than many of my previous postings ! But hopefully it will still be ok for you to read and for me it will serve a purpose.
I've titled it "Moving On" I don't feel I look back at life that often, well obviously I have reflective moments because of the traumas I went through with Eloise, significant dates are tattooed into my brain but mainly I'm someone who lives in the present, enjoying every day as much as I can. Occasionally being brave and seeing a future too.
I guess here I'm thinking of my relationship with S , I've never really looked back and thought what could I have done to have been a better wife so my husband didn't go off with another woman. I think when I discovered his affair it all made a little more sense, his rejection of me, his increased irritability and a fuller recycling box of beer cans. He was a guilty man. We'd never been that close to each other emotionally, I can express how I feel , he never could, never did, very much stiff upper lip. I guess as he never vocalised how he felt I kept quiet too, making do with less than the best from our relationship. Living a lie ? Possibly but my life wasn't an unhappy one but the happiness came from my four children, my home, my friends not from S but it was enough for me. Having him leave me, helped me be more me, this isn't really making sense but bear with me ! I felt free to express how I felt, I gathered strength, turned things around and made a positive life for my four children. I'm proud of myself and my family unit .
So my family life moved on, it's relaxed , fun and we love each other so much, well for short periods, we aren't the Walton's ! 
My life ? Well that started evolving last year during Eloise's blips, I started going on Twitter a lot, I've clocked up 23K tweets now. Rereading this is realise that's no achievement just time misspent ! I've met a few people I've become close to on there and even met in reality. Meeting new people in this way gave me confidence in myself as a woman. Part of the transformation was the beginning of #FrockFriday every Friday since the beginning of November I've worn a dress , this has been a positive thing , good to feel good about your appearance. I don't feel I'd ever let myself go and many of you know I'd never start a day without applying lipstick. The next step in this transformation was joining City Socializer in January, a fantastic way to meet like minded people for nights out. I've had some great nights out , lovely meals, nice cocktail bars and more important l've made new fabulous friends, friends for life. Again this has increased my confidence as I have to arrive into a room of strangers and engage with them, it's never been a problem. Then the last stage in this me moving on stage is Tinder ! It's nearly 2 whole months ( is that really all ? ) since I met Warren. We've fitted into each other's lives so well, well that's how it seems to me. It just seems natural. It's good to have a partner again, I will admit I struggle at times I'm very independant and I'm sure I'm not the easiest of people to understand, sorry Warren. I guess I spent 18 years of my adult life with a very different type of man , so I'll need to adjust.
Yesterday I met 4 of Warren's work mates as it was a leaving do for one of them. We spent quite a few hours together visiting 3 pubs including the 6 of us being in a Games Room together. I did surrender and leave with Warren when they went for an Indian ! I may be wrong but for me it worked, they were my kind of people, all very nice guys, easy to talk to and have a laugh with. It was a huge surprise to hear that one of them had read this blog and was very complimentary, so thank you M for your kind words it really means a lot . I know that a lot of my #TransplantFamily read this as they can relate to it but knowing someone who I don't know enjoyed it too that's special. I felt comfortable and at ease yesterday. I never had that feeling when I met S's friends, I felt out of my league and uneducated , quite sad really. I guess that's why S is so happy now he's back in with his close circle of friends who never accepted me and is dating his best friend. Also in 18 years I never met S's work colleagues, never went to any of his work events. I know our children were younger then so babysitters would have been needed but to have been asked would have been good. Next weekend this meeting of friends will happen in reverse as Warren is coming out for a meal to celebrate my Besties birthday and to a Wedding Reception with me of one of my lovely work ladies. I know he'll be happy in their company too. S wouldn't have come, we wouldn't have even been invited as a couple to my friends meal as she'd know he'd not have come. This is so nice, it's good to have a sociable partner and be together amongst our friends. Guess we have some sort of Christmas party to organise here Warren ?
So there we go, the Divorce is in it's beginning stages, it's time to sort out the finances and move on. After nearly 3.5 years the time is right. So that's going to take some negotiating but it will be ok.
Then there's my house my home, things are moving on here too, small projects, rooms to decorate myself , getting Sky, new TV , sorting out the garden, possibly making the front garden into a parking space, new radiators, rooms to get plastered. The list is pretty endless to be honest but it all seems more manageable now. I'm ready to make this house look stunning a good legacy for my family's future.
Yes it's safe to say I'm moving on . Xxxx
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