- Christmas 2014 has passed now and I feel it went well.
In the end I decided I would see Warren on Christmas Day in the afternoon. I'm unsure as to what others thought but at the end of the day he's my partner and we've been together for 5 whole months ! It wasn't at all awkward, everyone seemed to be relaxed.
I can appreciate that the way I spend my Christmases with my soon to be Ex husband S and his mother J quite strange and yes if it was just me in the equation it wouldn't happen. I'd not invite them, but as most of you know as a parent your Childrens needs become first. So that's how this way of spending Christmas as a family unit evolved.
Cue Christmas 2011 our first as a separated couple, I gave this some thought and decided I never wanted to spend a Christmas without my children while they were young and still living under my roof. I didn't want to share them a day each for example or do alternative years etc. Most of these type of solutions not practical when S lives 3 hours away. So I put myself in quite an uncomfortable situation that first Christmas and had S and J as my house guests, even letting S into my bedroom to watch the children open their stockings. J was very grateful to be here to see her only grandchildren and my parents helped to ease a lot of the tension. The children's excitement helped too especially little Henry who at 2 years old was so enthralled with the magic of it all. I'd never want to miss those moments and I have to hope S feels like that too.
So Christmas 2014 our fourth celebrated in this way. In the week before I feel some tension more so this year as S wanted to take Henry back to Eastbourne with him to spend some more time with him, his partner and J. This made me physically sick. I so didn't want my boy to go, I've managed to avoid this situation until this year when Eloise spent a day at S's home in October. It's different with Henry, he's only 5. I didn't want S's partner near any of my children ever but I can't say much as S may feel the same about Warren being near his children and of course that's a frequent happening. Also not going to rock the boat now as we're starting to sort the financial side of our divorce out. I know it seems like choosing to go for the easy life option, but sometimes you have to know what's worth fighting for and three nights without my baby I'll manage he'll be back in my arms very soon. We've managed the last three plus years amicably I want that to continue. Of course if it was just me I would love closure to never have to see or hear from him again. But we have more than history we have four children. So I can tolerate him for their sakes.
So on the 23rd of December S and J arrive I'm out shopping with my lovely friend K ,we had a fabulous afternoon and then enjoyed dinner out as well. A lovely relaxing day, stocked up on M&S food. When I arrived home the TV is blaring out and Henry is still up running wild , yep nothing's changed. 4 years on same chaos and lax parenting. Kids have been fed the obligatory take away. So I sort out Henry and the kitchen, write a shopping list for S and print out the meat order for M&S. I say my goodnights.....feeling like a stranger or an intruder in my home. The invasion is getting to me. Time to zone out in that tried favourite the bath.
24th December - S takes Henry and Eloise out to do the food shop and go to the Cinema to watch The Hobbit Film. I spend my time doing all the last minute cleaning and prepping. In the afternoon my parents arrive into the mix, the house is filling up. Then Conor and Leah so bodies everywhere ! S cooks our evening meal, it took some time as he'd set up the Playstaion in the basement so he could game all over the holiday period without being disturbed. It's funny to see what your life was like not that long ago and be reminded that you're so lucky now. Presents all sorted, stockings filled, bed time. Another day survived, tick ! So lots of messages sent to Warren, pleas for help !
25th December - Christmas Day , opened the stockings in my bed, S didn't join us this year as he'd not realised that was what was happening even though I sent both Millie and Henry down to tell him. Guess what he was on the Playstation , lol ! The day went the usual way, great presents, S in the kitchen, parents chatting. Kids playing etc, etc. I was on FB messenger with Warren. I decided to invite him around to join us late afternoon. A bit of a gamble, I felt a little anxious until he arrived but It went well , he fitted in with everyone and it wasn't awkward........well not until my dad asked where Warren was sleeping !
26th December - Boxing Day I had a lovely time shopping with J , mum and Millie. Warren was kind enough to be our chauffeur and bag carrier, his only reward a panini , oh and boxer shorts ! He also delivered Conor's presents to his house.
S cooked another delicious roast this time lamb, so nice not cooking, it's still something I'm very rubbish at ! It's the timing....I'm currently in the kitchen cooking a roast right now, it's not going too well !
Then the funniest thing I became part of three's a crowd as Warren and S settled down to watch Expendables 3 together, you couldn't make it up could you ? I think it's easier if they do get on as they'll keep meeting up when it's S's weekend to see the children. I think J was more put out than S as it's obvious that Millie in particular likes Warren being here and likes the attention he gives her. I've been reflecting a little on the break up of my marriage lately thinking my children weren't harmed by it. I now think perhaps it's Millie who has missed out on having a dad and the attention from him . She was seven when we split up.
27th December S and J left at 8.30am taking my very excited baby boy with them the house instantly became quiet. I'm not sure I like it the Gingerling adds a lot into the mix of our family, he's a huge character. I never imagined having a son, now I cannot remember a time without him . He's no angel but he's fun , a ball of energy . I just love his "take" on the World. So this was already a tough day then Warren had the worrying news his dad was poorly and hospitalised. Thankfully as the news filtered over from Ireland there was reassurance and Warren was able to relax a little, it must be very hard being so far away from your close family at times like this and being unable to just pop over. I felt useless not able offer any major comfort , just words and a hug. I think the contrast between Warren's family and S's is huge and I'm not talking about the number of children here. Just the love and respect Warren has for his parents is lovely to see. I think J wants S to invite her to live with him and his partner, I just have this feeling she'll grind him down. Her hints were quite huge, so good luck to them !
Later I had a lovely wander along Park Street with mum and dad. Lunch out and good shopping.
28th December - I think we're alone now......last of the guests have gone. PJ's , relaxation, log fire and no schedule, perfect.
So that was a summary of my first Christmas with Warren and my children. I'm happy and I'm glad Warren was with me, my dad thanked Warren for his company this morning. I think it was good for them to see Warren again.
S could buy me anything I wanted he just didn't but he never gave me what I needed . Time, companionship, attention and love these things are free but more precious than anything and sadly in some relationships very rare. I have all of those things now and it feels good and that feeling is filtering down to my children as well. I hope that Warren feels this way too.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.........I did it My Way !
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