As many of you know it's nearly 4.5 years since the break up of my marriage, well it's now a year since I consulted a solicitor as instructed by S to represent me and my best interests during our divorce and financial settlement proceedings. Well what an expensive year of going around in circles and jumping through hoops for both me and S. It's just been so bloody frustrating and time consuming. Well this week things nearly came to a head as we were both being pushed by our solicitors. We had both of them threatening mediation and court something we are determined to avoid. I feel they've driven our ideas for our financial agreement further apart, I guess they want to get more money out of us.
I appreciate my solicitor is trying to get what's best for me and that S's solicitor is defending this but it's threatening to destroy the relationship we still have. He's not my husband, my partner or even my friend but he's the father of my children and we remain a family. We can talk , laugh and go out with the children together occasionally. I got very upset on Saturday trying to discuss the latest letter from my solicitor and for the first time since the early months I cried in front of S . In fact I felt really odd and faint , S even offered to make me that cure for everything a cup of tea ! Im being honest now I've had enough, I'm at breaking point . The cynic in me will always wonder if that's what S's solicitor wanted , to squeeze the fight out of me. The nicer person buried deeply inside me would dismiss this thought. I don't need this extra stress in my life. I feel I manage my stress quite well and I cope but it would be very lovely to take this weight off my shoulders.
We need this sorted now, home life needs to move on , I need my financial independence so I can make changes and decisions regarding the up keep of our home etc. I feel all home improvements have been on hold in case I can't afford the work. I want security for myself and the children. S wants that for himself and his partner too. So we'll tie up the lose end, yes there's just the one sticking point. Quite a big one I guess spousal maintenance , S's solicitor said none so mine got a bit carried away, I've no desire to bleed S dry ! I did explain to S my thoughts on this payment. He'd initially said once Henry was 11 I could work more hours, so no more spousal maintenance payments. Yes perhaps I could but I have to think of Eloise's needs and her health in the future . If I took on more hours and she became unwell again like she did for a year two years ago I'd find it hard to juggle the increased hours and not let my work colleagues down. I managed to stay afloat last time. I feel I'm better doing the hours I do now and adding in an extra bank shift if money's needed. I don't like thinking worse case scenario I cannot allow myself to be pessimistic but occasionally you have to be a realist , I may one day be Eloise's carer. However the optimist in me says she'll care for me ! I think I've given S a fair insight into how life can be . Funnily enough it's not all trips to the Cinema, bowling, crazy golf, boxes of Lego, Hotel stays and TGI Fridays ( well just every other weekend)
I started the year optimistic that this would be the year my divorce happened but now it's not so likely unless we get this moving super fast now.
Tonight we've made our financial settlement plan, it's no real surprise that it's not a lot different from our original thoughts . Copies will be sent to our solicitors , it's time for closure and new chapters to begin. I'm hoping for some relief once this is over. Looking forward.......
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